Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The title post of SHAME

Hi.

Yes, it's been a great while. I'm ashamed to admit that I actually sort of forgot that I had a blog. I would LIKE to get better at this.

Consider this one of the many goals I have for this year that is all mixed in with running a marathon, finishing my book, surviving the school year combined with having to take multiple university courses, figuring out my life post-divorce, etc.

Halloween approaches, and we all know how intrinsically creepy dolls are. I offer you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgfklKnOg4w


I challenge you to try to get that tune out of your head...;D

Happy Halloween, you all!

(I have about a million Vacation-Gone-Wrong movies to review! Let's see if I can knock some of those out before Halloween!)

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Eccentric Auntie's Most Excellent Adventure

So, I'm going to talk in multiple parts about my Excellent Vacation (one that did not go wrong) that I took to Calgary, Canada, Seattle, and L.A. over a 2 1/2 week period of time. Today I am going to focus on Calgary!


This will have lots of pictures, so be forewarned. :D

So I visited a friend, let us call her J., who lives in Calgary. She was kind enough to pick me up from the airport at midnight as well as leave me a google map so that I could find a nearby plaza with cafes, etc.  while she was at work!

The first day I was there, I found this place, a perfect writer's cafe, not to dissimilar to Espresso Cafe:

day2cafe

A nice, sunny atmosphere, lovely tomato-feta scone, and much writing brainstorming!  I grew restless after a time and decided to seek out an ATM to get some Canadian money. What did I learn? Canadian drivers, at least where I am, are really, really polite to pedestrians. I was hovering on the side of a busy street with no lights in a short distance, with a road that sort of curved around so that if I went for it, I would likely take my life in my hands.  And what happened? FOUR LANES OF TRAFFIC stopped for me so that I could cross. The difference between that and where I live? Where I live, I would stand there all day because even if some nice person stopped to let me cross, nobody else would. Or I'd get honked at. And not only did all this traffic stop, but I noticed after I came out of the atm that there had been a proper pedestrian crossing only about a block away and all the traffic was STILL nice enough to stop for me. :D  Okay, so after that, I wandered about for a long time. I grew hungry in time and wanted to eat something locally, so I found a Brewery/lunch place and I went in.

Here was my lunch:
day2pintmushroom
A pale ale mushroom soup (YUM!), a salad, and a local ale with raspberries in it. I couldn't finish it since I didn't want to be tipsy that early in the day, but it was good and I don't even like beer.

So I headed back to J's house, at which time I decided that I would meet her downtown, which involved following her map to the train station. This time I got a little turned around. In this town, in each neighborhood, streets are named very much the same. Let's say "Forest" was the name theme in a particular neighborhood. Well, then you would have "Forest St.",  "Forest Blvd.," "Forest Crescent," "Forest Drive" all in the same neighborhood. So this can lead to much hilarity in getting lost. I think the city planners have a good laugh over that one.

Here's a random pic of a park I passed on that walk when I was on the wrong street:
day2randompark

Next I took the train into downtown Calgary. It took about 30 minutes, but it was a great tour. I met J and then we walked around the plaza:
day2olympicplaza

We took the train back to J's area. I got a running tour guide as we went on. And I learned something else. People in Calgary think that a building that is 75 years old is historic.

The next day, we went to Banff National Park.

I had decided that since I was in Canada, that I MUST see a Mountie.

J and I set off into the blue. Then I saw mountains for the first time in a LONG time.  Not since 2009 or so, the last time I was in California. These are impressive Rocky Mountains, with unique shapes and towering cliffs. We reached the park, and well, hmm, here we come upon a Ranger Hut where they will be very stern about letting us pass if we don't buy a day pass to the park:
day3rangerhut

Our first stop was one of the gems of the world, Lake Louise, a glacier-fed lake. Parking was a madhouse as everyone else in the world had the same idea as we did.

We parked and walked down to the lake, and behold the humble beauty. Yes, I'm going to show you multiple pictures of what I think might be one of the most beautiful spots in the world:
day3lakelouise

Take 2:
day3lakelouise2

Take 3:
day3lakelouise6

Proof that I am actually there...:D But what was missing?...Oh yes. Still no mounties.
day3melakelouise

Next stop was lunch and then Johnson's Canyon.  This was about a mile hike on a scary catwalks to see some waterfalls.

Over the edge:
day3johnsoncanyon1

There is a sign that says "Do not run on the catwalk." Ya think?
day3johnsoncanyon2

Here are the falls. There were so many people swarming around the area that I turned down the opportunity to climb through the muddy cave-tunnel to go out on another observation deck that was closed in, small, and wet, with little kids scampering about in a precarious manner.
day3johnsoncanyonfalls

Mounties would have been impressed by my strength here, but alas, they were not here.
day3mepullingtree

We left and went on down the road. Along with mounties, I had been hoping to see some kind of wildlife, such as grizzly bears, of which there are many in that area.

We did see elks:
day3elks2

day3elks3

We did what any smart people do. We got out of the car and got super close to LARGE WILD ANIMALS with antlers and took pictures. Give us some credit, though -- they were calm, chomping away on food, totally aware that we were there and unimpressed -- and they were not grizzly bears.

Another wild animal friend:
day3groundsquirrelfriend

So we met some friends of J's and went to a restaurant with a roof patio in the village of Banff called the Rose and the Crown.
day3viewfromrestaurant

The sun would be setting soon at the late hour of 10 p.m., and still I had not found a real mountie.

And then...THEN...THEN:
day3mountiemoose



Saturday, July 21, 2012

The End of an Era

I think I didn't want to chat too much this summer on this blog until most people in my life who might possibly look at this blog knew the huge and enormous news in my life, that I just got divorced from my marriage of nearly 19 years.

There is sadness, yes, and I'll go on a serious note and write something that I expressed a while back:
I've known M. since I was 20. We met at the college fountain one evening, and we lost total track of time for the rest of the night. We connected on some deep soul level, something that I don't think will ever go away between us. That first year, we were the cheesy couple that you see being lovey-dovey at a restaurant table, holding hands and staring into each other's eyes. When we first got married, we were one of those couples who did everything together. My oldest friends became his friends, etc. We went through so much together over the years, some good, some bad. We made bad choices at times, but we really enjoyed life, had adventures, and had our simple pleasures and traditions, like our Saturday movie night where we would rent two cheesy horror movies and get food from this certain food place with great Greek salads and cheese fries. We would cook together, dream our glamourous future together where we were going to be nomadic, traveling the world, working for one place in an exotic South Pacific island for a few years before moving on to another place, just as wild and wonderful. We did indeed live in three different towns in Illinois, one city in Florida, and two other countries. We had road trips and mini-adventures. 


We were not always perfect, we had our problems and dysfunctions, but we were us. Our bond was indestructible, bound together for better or worse, facing the world together and who knows what other adventures. Certainly there were ups and downs, but everything for sure changed after May 2008. I couldn't function, he didn't give me what I needed, I left, and things broke. broke to pieces and then when I came back together again, things could never be the same. He didn't know me anymore and I didn't trust him on the same level. We still loved each other so much, and we still love each other deeply. Nobody in the future will ever love either of us as much as we loved each other, I'm convinced. We still had summer adventures for a few years, but our tie was frayed, no longer strong and golden, but ethereal and wispy. 


I just never thought it would break. When he agreed so readily to what I knew was inevitable, it was such a shock to my system. I think a part of me thought that no matter what, we were bound to each other, that we could TRY to end things but we wouldn't really be able to. So while this is a necessary thing, a relief, a breaking off from a toxic situation as things have stood the last four years, it still hurts on a deep soul level, where we were bonded. 


Yeah, we weren't perfect, but we were us.



Monday, June 25, 2012

Intermittent Fasting

Oh, fasting my old friend, you are back and I love you.  I have talked about fasting before, but it's been difficult to get into a routine, especially during the school year. Mostly because food is such a social event, and I tend to hate being the center of attention when I'm doing something a little "off."  I abhor being interrogated about my eating habits.

Eating in most cultures is so fraught with emotion and cultural habits. In other words, eating is not something you do in a bubble. It's everyone's business when an overweight woman buys ice-cream, a skinny person doesn't eat, whether you take seconds or not, whether you eat dessert, or whether you choose to eat only natural foods or no bread products or no junk or all junk.  People want to know if your eating habits have a purpose -- are you gluten intolerant or have other allergies? Do you want to lose weight? Are you sick? People are concerned about eating disorders. You're not eating? You must have anorexia. You're eating too much? You must have a binging disorder.  Food is love and sharing. If someone makes food for you and you refuse it, it's the ultimate rejection. I have been guilty of that kind of thinking before, ranging from feeling extremely annoyed when someone doesn't want to share something with me and has an almost pious snobbery about a certain food (omg, that has HOW many calories/fat grams/carbs?) to feeling bad when someone doesn't want to try something I've made.

This happened to me on the very last day of school. We had all brought food to share and I had brought the one thing that is my signature dish -- hummus. Among friends and some family it's a beloved dish.  In general, it did not go over super well at a potluck filled with people mostly of midwestern background who far preferred the typical midwestern fare of potato casseroles and three-bean salads and lavish desserts to something that is known as "health food." I did catch myself feeling offended when people didn't seem to be spooning MY food up or even trying it.

So yes. What you eat seems to be everyone's business.

When I've done intermittent fasting in the past during the school year, I must have about five people asking me every single day at lunch, "What? Aren't you eating? Why not? Isn't that unhealthy? Oh, I could never do that."  And if it was only one time, I could handle it. But when it's every single day. ("What? You're still not eating?") it gets so annoying that I want to throw my hands up and say, "OKAY! Uncle!!! I will eat a fricking salad!"

It doesn't matter if I try to explain the health benefits of fasting for me -- better hormone regulation, more energy, mental clarity, more time (think how much time is focused around food, preparing meals, contemplating what to eat next, etc), more money, better regulation of blood sugar (ironic, yes?), endorphin highs on and off throughout the day (just all things I've noticed for myself -- do your own research if you're curious for more scientific explanations of benefits of fasting), better exercise energy, less bloating, weight regulation.  Everyone is caught up in the whole breakfast is the most important meal of the day myth that the nutritionists brainwashed by the cereal makers have touted for a long time. And all this b.s. that your metabolism is stoked all day if and only if you eat frequent meals.  What in the world did humans do for all the many years that we didn't have the privilege of having so much food available to us twenty-four/seven? The metabolism being stoked thing may or may not be true. I suspect there is truth to it but that it's too minuscule to truly benefit us on a major level. What's more important is that a slower metabolism might actually be better for longevity and better health and the slowing down of aging as proven in some studies with mice with highly restricted calorie diets and low metabolisms as a result of those low-calorie diets (google stuff on CR studies and mice, there's a lot of research out there, as well as people who are trying to live that lifestyle).

So here is what I do:

I let myself a small eating window from about 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. Some people do 36-hour fasts. I've tried that once before and it's simply not for me. While I was proud of myself for doing it. It's too hard to not have any reward the whole day. So anyway, I do a 22-hour fast.  It's important to distract yourself when you first do the fasting. It takes a few days or even weeks to fully get used to it, and you WILL feel extreme symptoms from your body begging you to eat, eat, eat, especially at your previously usual meal times.  Your stomach might growl at embarrassing moments. You might feel headachy. You will feel irritable. Your body is not in danger. It's just being a brat. It hasn't learned yet that you WILL feed it, but later.  Drink lots of tea/coffee/water, even diet soda if you like (diet soda is questionable because of the fake sugar which I am suspicious of and it could screw up your blood sugar while fasting). Seltzer water is a good friend.  The fizz fills you up and it's just water. When it's time to eat, eat what you want. Don't yet worry about carb counts, fat grams, or calories. That can come later, if you choose to continue this as a lifestyle.  I always eat healthy stuff first (gazpacho made with farmer's market veggies - YUM, and fresh raspberries), then eat whatever you've been desiring that day. Eat until full. Notice I said FULL, not stuffed. You're not binging thoughtlessly, you're not stuffing yourself when you're full. You eat what is pleasurable to you UNTIL full, not while full.  If you want cake, have cake. If you want cheesy enchiladas, have those.  Be satisfied both physically and mentally. Nibble a bit before your eating window closes. Then stop. If you drink alcohol, wait until you've had food in your stomach to partake. Later you can tweak your diet so that it's more balanced/healthy etc. Right now, just get used to using the eating window to satisfaction.

So it's gone great the last few days for me. I feel better, and more importantly, I feel accomplished and disciplined, like I can follow through on something and do it. This is the first step of many in my quest to end my ADHD mind and live the life I want to live.

MAJOR DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor or nutrition expert. I'm just my own guinea pig. Fasting isn't for everyone. Do not attempt if you have diabetes or other major health issue, have a history of eating disorders, are pregnant or nursing, are a child or teenager (still growing), or have other issues that might be aggravated by fasting, like migraines. If you try it and get dizzy or faint, eat something! This is not supposed to be torture or a way to end up in the hospital. Fasting might not be for you at all or you might have to start small (start skipping breakfast for awhile until your body gets used to that then increase by an hour every day).


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Chernobyl Diaries - when Extreme tourism goes wrong....



Chernobyl Diaries






IMDb says: Six tourists hire an extreme tour guide who takes them to the abandoned city Pripyat, the former home to the workers of the Chernobyl nuclear reactor. During their exploration, they soon discover they are not alone.


I saw this movie in the theater and I had a lot of fun with it. I went in with absolutely zero expectations, since well, the title says it all. I knew ahead of time that the characters would likely be whiny American tourists for whom I would have little sympathy making dumb mistakes. In truth, the best part about this movie is the build up and character development. Okay, maybe not stellar, but for a horror movie, pretty awesome. I actually liked the main female character and actually connected quite a bit with her.


Things go dreadfully wrong when the shady tour guide's van doesn't start just as sun is beginning to set on this creepy, abandoned city.  The atmosphere is everything in this movie and it is indeed CREEPY. I had goosebumps. I was even saying to myself, "This has to be one of the scariest movies I've seen!"  Because I had gotten to know the characters, I was right there with them, feeling more and more trapped and freaked out as the sun went down. And there ARE things that go bump in the night. Major radioactive bump.


However, the movie ultimately disappoints.  The last third of it made very little sense, there were bizarre plot holes (like why, why, why was one of the girls able to get away one or two times when all other victims were ripped apart or taken away right away? Hint: Probably because she was blond and pretty and helpless.).  


The ending was horrible and dumb and well, rather laughable.  It ruined the whole movie for me.


Oh, there was a random bear at one point. Random bear was random. I just had to throw that out there, especially for Saturday Sequins and Mr. Sequins. 


Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: ***** Starting with random bear and ending with, well, ending, nobody gets out alive. Extreme tourism? Extreme ways to meet your maker, I'd say.
Did I care about the characters factor: **** Yes, for the most part. At least the main character. I so wanted her to live.
Verdict: ***  Yeah, those writers should be sent on an Extreme Tour of sitting on their butts in front of the computer to come up with an ending that doesn't suck. 



Sunday, June 17, 2012

oh my gosh, has it actually been this long?

There is a big reason for my silence, and all will be revealed soon, but let's just say in a very cryptic manner that huge things are happening. As a result, have not been much in a blogging mood.  But as I would like to get back into regular blogging, I am going to organize some thoughts and pick something to blog about every other day, even if it's the minute and boring details of Mo and I's six-mile walks.

But today I am doing something amazing for myself. This will sound like the silliest, cheesiest thing ever, but I am creating a big poster board filled with pictures of things that I truly love in my life and that I want in my life. The only problem is that my printer is only black and white and so I find these amazing pictures of my future cottage by the sea, for example, and it just doesn't look as impressive on my posterboard without the turquoise sea in the background. I think I would suggest that anyone who is  depressed, grieving, or at a big life crossroads or even if you just have a vague wish for something specific for the future, this project is amazing and it makes me feel amazing to do it. I just keep looking at it and thinking of other things that I could add to it. Eventually I'd like to figure out how to make the pictures colorful and how to write my comments on it in something other than scribble-scrabble handwriting (never my forte, never my forte). Then again, I suck at scrapbooking, and this is essentially like scrapbooking, only it's like you're making a wish for your future instead of scrapbooking things that have already happened.  I will never show this thing to anyone, ever, so no pictures.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Summer vacation starts today!

And yes, I'm as excited as the kids.

Oh, the possibilities. Now, as I've said to some other friends recently, my muse has been on a lovely tropical vacation and has been refusing all communication with me.  She did promise, however, that she will return when Mo is here and settled and school is out. So I'm holding her to that promise.

I have done some deep cleaning in the house. Kitchen on Saturday, living room and front area on Sunday and started the dining room area.  Today I need to at least do the bathroom because SS and Mr. SS are coming over and they don't deserve the horror that is my upstairs right now.

Hopefully when the muse returns from vacation, my entries will become a bit more interesting than blah-blah-blah-cleaning-blah-blah-blah-yayvacation. :D  Stay tuned...

Friday, May 18, 2012

3 1/2 more days!

Yes, I just have 3 1/2 more days before the school year ends. I have been craptastic at updating in this blog, but I promise to be better, especially because PinkAudrey is gone for the summer *CRIES*, and the only way she can hear my brilliant words of brilliance is if I keep writing in this blog. Because I know she is waiting on the edge of her seat. :D

 One of the reasons that I'm having difficulty writing in this blog regularly is that I feel like this blog needs a bit of a consistent theme. Yes, I have the "when vacations go dreadfully wrong" theme (and I have a list of movies built up in my head to critique on here, especially a really bad one from the Lifetime channel I watched recently!)

 But I feel like mostly I babble in this blog a bit without purpose, and I think blogs that are actually followed by more than your immediate circle of friends and family actually have something to teach the world on an interesting topic. But I am literally ALL OVER THE PLACE. Hmmm...So I will need to think on this when I have the time and inclination to think (which is in THREE AND A HALF DAYS! Did I happen to mention that I'm done in 3 1/2 days?)

 Also Mo will be coming home a week from Saturday, so that is weird and exciting and fun all at once.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

I did it!!

Yep, I ran my first half-marathon! My time was 2:34:26. Not bad for a firstie!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Again, it's been awhile! :)

I can't seem to get the hang of blogging. I've had a lot of Serious Stuff on my mind lately and thus haven't really been in the mood for blogging and pretending to be all happy and upbeat. Heh. I know a lot of you people write blogs that have a "theme" or better, a purpose. Like Saturday Sequins has her beading stuff, and Health Amateur focuses on health. I need a bloggie purpose. Except that I tend to have MANY interests and can't just pick one. Will it be running? Will it be writing? Will it be any number of obsessions I have? Will it be healthy eating? Will it be international recipes? And if I do any of those, do I still get to write ominous Vacation-gone-wrong posts and movie reviews? :D I kind of like the whole self-improvement thing, like from the perspective of deep breathing, morning writing pages, running, healthy eating, etc. Will think on this some more!

On another subject...

This is the 100th Anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. If you don't know me by now, let me just say that I am Titanic history obsessed, and so this has been my WEEKEND. The television stations are filled with programs about the Titanic, that famous, big film from 1997 with Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet has come back in the theater (in 3D, which is kind of annoying, I'm not a 3D person at all), and there are all kinds of cool things. My Titanic obsession got me through a bad period of time in the fall of 2008, so it just has all this emotional stuff surrounding it for me.

Random Titanic Fact: Cats were considered good luck on ships AND they helped control the rodent population. There were no cats on the Titanic. I forgot where I read that, I think on some trivia website about the Titanic. :)

Another random fact: The binoculars that were supposed to be in the crow's nest to help them look out for icebergs were lost.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Oh, dear, it's been awhile!

Yikes, it's been awhile.

So meanwhile, vacation ended and I had to go back to work and already a week and a weekend has passed since being back!

I feel a bit unraveling at the seams -- overwhelmed by tons of things right now.

So also during the break, I visited Thailand. Not literally, alas, but through cooking. I found a really excellent pad Thai recipe on the jar of a pad thai sauce jar, and I just added a bit to it. I will go into more detail later perhaps. I am too lazy to hunt down the jar of pad thai sauce and write down the recipe at the moment. Let's just say it was divine and just as good as restaurant pad thai! I have also visited the Philippines via a recipe from my good friend Katie (she has lived there before). That also came out very yummy, but I forgot to take a picture of it. No, really, I WILL make a post that involves travel food again with pictures and recipes and everything, but this evening is not that day.

Healthamateur asked about fasting in a comment. To tell you the truth, I haven't done fasting much since coming back from vacation. It's hard because there's a big social element to our lunch hour at school. Everyone gets together and if anyone does anything weird (like not eating) there is instant attention on you and questions. So I haven't done it, as I get weary of talking about whatever I'm doing on any given day. I would rather not be the center of attention. I will probably go back to experimenting with fasting more in the summer or possibly on occasional Saturdays. Anyway, the question was about hypoglycemia. As far as I know, I have a tendency toward hypoglycemia. As a result, I have trouble if I eat anything high carb for breakfast (like bread or fruit or cereal). Here's what I think. I think that if you are having normal hunger pangs while fasting and just feeling mildly light-headed and uncomfortable, that that's normal. If you have such bad dizziness and shakiness that you can't function? Then probably fasting isn't for you. Also someone else mentioned (can't remember who right now) migraines, and since Healthamateur tends toward migraines, it might be a risk not worth taking because migraines suck.

Writing. Yeah. How's that going for everyone? For me, it's going ok. Not great, not horrible. The writing itself is great. It's me actually sitting down and doing it that's the problem. Once again, I will need to back off from the internet for a bit to allow more time.

Oh. And as for running? I signed up for the half marathon. Am I insane????

Monday, March 19, 2012

Cooking around the world -- Myanmar (Burma)

So one of the things I thought I would do during my break is to pick a few random countries and cook a dish from them. This is not as formal as the blog that I think Pink Audrey talked about where someone cooked around the world on a regular basis. This is just sort of random and obviously I can't do this super regularly because of time factors.

So yesterday I made a dry shrimp curry from Myanmar (Burma).

I used this recipe:

Dry Shrimp Curry

I did add a few things. I added about a half can of straw mushrooms and a handful of bean sprouts, just to have some veggies in there. Also, when it said to blend the onion, garlic, and ginger, I knew my blender wouldn't be having any of that without some liquid, so I added a bit of chicken broth to the blender. I only had brown rice to serve it on, and as healthy as brown rice is, I don't really like it that much and it takes forever to cook. Eh. But whatever.

Here was the result:



It was not fantastic and I probably would tweak a few things (less broth, maybe add some coconut milk even though it's supposed to be a dry curry). But it was pretty good. I enjoyed eating it. It is all I have in memory since today is a fasting day for me, haha.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Happy to be home

The last week has been awfully busy for me, so I just haven't been in these here blog parts. I was at a conference for a few days and am SO happy to be home with my kitty and in my own private house with no crowds of people all around me constantly.

I am on the eve of my spring break right now, which makes me blissfully happy, but we all know that will pass WAY too quickly.

So I've taken to doing a few 36-hour fasts a week. I have heard that this is good for you, as far as getting rid of crap in your system and helping with digestion and even doing stuff with mental clarity. That latter thing? I need it desperately. Well, the first 36-hour fast I did was last Monday. I knew I had a wildly busy day that day, so it was a good day to start. I go through it with minimal pain. I mean, there were difficult times when I was thinking longingly of food during my usual meal times or when I smelled food. I did get very hungry a few times. I did go through a spacey time when I felt overly tired and out of it. But these things passed quickly.

Mostly any negatives I feel about it have to do with feeling uncomfortable about dealing with other people who don't get it, who think it's unhealthy or pointless to fast. Of course these are often very conventional people who think I'm a bit weird anyway, haha, so who cares, right? I've tried to choose fasting days based on times when I know I am unlikely or do not have any social plans that involve food so that it will not affect my social life at all.

The pros:
1. there are random times of absolute euphoria that you get while fasting
2. nice empty feeling in stomach, no bloating
3. feeling of accomplishment, like I have discipline
4. frees up more time (think of all the time you spend preparing, cooking, eating, cleaning for meals)
5. lots of research out there about calorie restriction and better health (like less asthma) in mice/rats
6. weight loss (I would really like to get back down to my ideal weight - it's tough to be short AND over 40 AND on hormone medication! You have to watch it like a hawk and I refuse to use my age as an excuse to let myself go)

The cons:
1. hunger on fasting days can be pretty intense sometimes and distracting
2. Stomach growling during inappropriate times
3. A few slump periods in energy
4. awkward for potential spontaneous social situations
5. I don't like dealing with naysayers
6. People think I'm weird enough, here I am doing yet another outside-the-box thing

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Speaking of vacations gone wrong...

With spring break coming up, I have to admit that I was craving an all-inclusive beach-bum sort of vacation again. You know, the kind where EVERYTHING is taken care of for you, and all you have to do is lie on the beach or go snorkeling.

Upon doing some research, I found this interesting site on traveling to Mexico.

Mexico Vacation Awareness

It's not your usual travel warnings...but the stories listed on this site are pretty horrifying in general and would make me think twice about traveling there, even to the resort town of Cancun (although I have been there before with no incident, but isn't that the case anywhere? Statistics don't matter when you're the victim). It's not so much about the fact that crime and accidents happen there. Those things happen everywhere in the world (muggings, rapes, robberies, accidents, drownings). It's just that in certain places, visitors are sometimes particularly targeted for crime OR when an accident or crime happens and/or you need medical help, the people you rely on to help you (police, EMTs, hospitals) are corrupt or incompetent. This can be especially true on resorts or places where tourism is heavily relied on because the authorities will want to push whatever happens under the rug as to not hurt their bottom line.


(Author's Note: Naturally, this is not a problem exclusive to Mexico. And I should point out that this is in no way a slam on average Mexican citizens, whom I have found to be lovely and warm. There are gems, turds, and everything in between in every culture, country, and place around the world.)

As for my spring break, it looks like I'm having a Staycation. I have some plans, such as possibly cooking around the world, doing a writing boot camp, catching up on some books and movies. The week will pass too fast, but you know what? Summer is coming. I am very lucky to have a very low-paying job where the one benefit is having 2 1/2 months off in the summer! My goal for this summer is to try not to get roped into much as far as professional development either. I'd rather just do that during the school year. Am I not going to a literacy conference this coming week? Why, yes I am! Professional development = CHECK.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Timber Falls - yay, another Vacation Gone Wrong movie!

This one was. . .interesting, but definitely a vacation gone dreadfully wrong...

Timber Falls



IMDB says: A weekend of camping in the mountains becomes an excursion into hell for a young couple, who become pawns in a grotesque plot hatched by deranged locals.

In a horror movie, whenever a young couple are being all lovey-dovey and all excited to go into the wilderness on a hike together, it's just a matter of time before someone gets eaten by a bear or accosted by deranged locals who believe that you should be married before fornicating on their sacred lands.

Much like the vacation-gone-wrong scenarios that take place in exotic third-world countries, this is a home-grown version of the same kind of xenophobia. This takes place in exotic Appalachia where of course everyone is backwards and creepy. Yep, perfectly normal to kidnap a couple and force them to procreate for them and make them get married ahead of time so that the baby will be not born in sin.

That being said, this was actually a good horror flick that surpassed expectations. The SyFy channel had given it one star, which is pretty funny from a company that produces movies like Sharktopus on a regular basis. Now to be fair, there WERE things that were completely over-the-top horror movie tropes and ridiculous. There were times when I really didn't get why certain characters were doing certain things. However, the premise was actually very clever and terrifying. The acting was not too bad either, and I really did wonder up until the end how in the world the couple was going to get out of that situation (sign of a good story).

Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * * There was torture, there was over-the-top lunacy, there were fetuses in random jars, there was the creepy not-quite-right-in-the-head brother of the main antagonist with the distorted face and animalistic sex drive. The only reason I'm not giving four stars is that the main characters did escape in the end.

Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * * Somewhat. They seemed a little annoying and bland and self-centered, but they seemed to pull it together when the going got tough.

Verdict: * * I'm being far more generous than Sy Fy channel rating, but hey, it was okay entertainment. Do I want to watch it again? No, probably not.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Mmm...lazy sunday!

Oops it's been awhile, hasn't it?

Work has been over-the-top stressful and it seems I can only focus on so many things at the same time. I've become a library book junkie, though. I just love checking out a bunch of non-fiction books about various topics (seriously, non-fiction because there's so little commitment required...if it's not my style or not interesting, I have no trouble just skimming a bit and giving up. With fiction I feel more an obligation to read every word). I love reading about nutrition and survival stories and self-help ideas and even stuff that does not apply to me AT ALL, like dating advice. I love to read stuff like that for ideas for my characters and just for amusement (and gratitude that I'm not IN the dating world, haha). Writing books, too, although they start to annoy me after awhile, most of the time. I check out anything that just catches my fancy at that moment.

A great book that I've just finished is called The Survivor's Club. I read that book absolutely riveted. It's about people who have survived amazing things, and some of the science behind it. What makes some people do the right thing in a crisis, and what makes others flail or freeze. Really fascinating writing and well written.

Well, it's Sunday morning and the coffee is good, the cat is purring, and there's still a full day spread ahead. *raises mug*

Monday, February 20, 2012

Day off!

Yay, so today is President's Day and I have an extra day off, which is exactly what I need! In fact, after I write this post, I'm going to banish myself from the internet for the day and write all day! Yes, I can do this. I got seriously into it for a few hours yesterday and the only reason I stopped was because I was going to bring some dinner over to my dad! Otherwise, I might have gone into "forget to eat" mode (which, believe me, does not happen that often).

As for my whining in the last post, as usual, Write Group represents with awesome advice and support. It's so true. I tend to expect perfection whenever I'm trying to change my life. I get frustrated when my inner toddler takes over and kicks everything and whines and wants to eat cupcakes all day. And if you got to try any of Pink Audrey's oreo cupcakes, then you would understand why I would want to eat cupcakes all day.

One of my non-sugary/non-floury concoctions I'm working on perfecting is sugar-free, flour-free pancakes. I got this recipe somewhere and adjusted the ingredients to my taste, but here it is:

1/4 cup almond flour (expensive stuff, but if you're only using 1/4 cup on weekends, it will last a long time!)
1/2 cup coconut milk
2 eggs
pinch of baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla

Pour onto griddle or whatever you use to make pancakes greased with butter or olive oil or coconut oil.

Top with fruit or eat savory!

If you're the kind of person who MUST have sweet pancakes, then I imagine you could add sugar or honey to it or even mashed bananas to keep it naturally sweet (I might try that today as an experiment). And add syrup if sugar isn't a problem for you! :)

I actually really love my new way of eating and honestly? The only stress about it is feeling very limited when dealing with social situations or going out to restaurants where there are so many hidden ingredients in things. (Who knew that KFC put MSG all over their green beans, for example??? Why? Why? Green beans are awesome by themselves. Not that I ever eat at KFC, but since I brought some over for my dad yesterday, I was looking at the nutritional information)

Also, I find that a square of very dark-dark chocolate (like over 70% dark) really helps with sweet cravings!

Now, as for my writing, I want to end this beautiful day off knowing that I am on a super sonic roll. So wish me luck!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Whiny McWhiny pants

As always, I'm a very sad work in progress.

I say I'm going to do one thing and I get all determinedy and I'm actually very good at sounding full of conviction so that other people actually believe I'm going to succeed and follow through. Then I go and do the exact opposite. I break. I fizzle out. I rebel. Then I feel bad for awhile, but I quickly forgive myself and promise to do better. This has been a pattern for as long as I can remember and it must stop.

Let's just say that both my eating plan and my writing plan failed utterly this past weekend. I am SO scattered right now. I keep making excuses for myself and promising to do better the next day. Meanwhile I have success on no fronts. I'm even being a bit anti-social with my friends in order to banish myself from distractions so I can accomplish these things that I am not doing -- how insane is that?? Also, the main problem is that no matter what I claim I am determined to do, I keep changing my mind. Inconsistency has always been a huge weakness, but this is getting ridiculous and far worse than it used to be. First I'm going to eat in a particular way, then two days later I get bored so I switch to eating a different way. My body gets confused. I lose a few pounds, I gain a few pounds, I get in great running shape, I stop running and get out of shape. Or I'm going to write on this project, but no, this other project is better, more exciting. But no, I should go back to whatever I was doing before. And by the way, I should start over, from the beginning because it's been so long. Ugh, if there was only some way to force my brain to do whatever it takes to get to where I want to go.

I want the satisfaction of bringing a project to completion. Admitting it is the first step, yes?

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The mystery of lack of focus...

When I act as lazy as I have been lately, I honestly can't figure out if I'm just lazy or there's some other craziness going on in my head or if I'm just stressed and unable to focus. I have the ammunition, I have the desire, I have the motivation. So why is it that I wake up at Ridiculous O'Clock to write (yes, I'm actually able to pop right out of bed) and I still don't write? Or maybe I write for like 10 minutes, when I've had a good hour and a half set aside to do so.

Well one thing is that it turns out I've become a little obsessed with this tweaking what goes in my mouth thing right now and so I am reading a lot of articles about it, forums, etc. That's time-consuming and I don't seem to get bored of it. So far I've been almost two weeks with no flour or processed sugar (aside from fruit) or grains. I've eaten eggs! I feel physically great and I now go for hours without feeling even a twinge of hunger. (I did set myself back a little last Friday when I met some friends for dinner and had some food that wasn't good for me and wow, it's taken almost all week to get back to where I was before that dinner as far as weight and good feelings). My exercise routine has tanked, however, because suddenly we have much colder temperatures *grump* (WHAT?? COLD IN FEBRUARY?? THE OUTRAGE!!!) and I don't really like going to the gym and it's too cold to be outside right now.

But I'm also frustrated about the writing thing. I used to be able to take any idea in my mind and create magic with it. Lately, I can't seem to find passion in most new things I start. I start them, write about 8000 words, and then I feel disgusted with them and want to just delete. Yet I can still picture the premise in my mind like it's a great idea. It's just the characters. They won't cooperate into becoming interesting people that I want to write about, much less that others would want to read about. I still love love love my original universe, you know, the novel from hell that has been in my life forever. So, people might ask, why not just focus on your original project, Eccentric Auntie? Because, my friends, there's so much emotional baggage wrapped up in it. It has a past. Ugh. Which is probably WHY I love it so much. And yes, I do work on it. But it makes me sad because as much as I love it and nurture it, it will likely never hit that "sweet spot" and be appreciated for the genius that it is. Okay, I'm kidding there, but you know what I mean. It's like if you have a kid and you love that kid with every breath you have, you think he's a genius, but you know that when you send him out in the world, the world is not going to love him or think he's a genius like you do. Unless he ends up discovering a cure for cancer or becomes a good looking actor or athlete that just happens to hit some national "sweet spot." That's what I'm talking about.

I also suspect I'm too scattered, considering that nobody is sponsoring me to just write full time. I actually have a full time, emotionally draining job. I have four, count 'em, FOUR awesome novel ideas right now that I take notes on. That is WAY too unfocused for what little time I have. I have my original-original novel, I have three or four other strong ideas, and to tell you the truth, I can never decide what to work on, what really needs the most of my attention, what SHOULD have the most of my attention.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

On what we put in our mouths

So I tried this experiment this week in which I cut out all flour, starches, and sugar from my diet (exception being lower sugar fruit like berries).

I allowed myself protein, vegetables, and dairy, some berries, and nuts.

For a few days I felt yucky. I couldn't tell if that was a "low carb flu" that people who cut out a lot of carbs get or whether it was my job (which was very stressful this week). I felt headachy, lethargic, and tired.

I had this weird upper stomach bloating that I was able to pinpoint exactly to extra dairy intake. I cut out the dairy for about two days and voila, it was gone. (I had SOME dairy, just not the big amounts I was having before).

However, come Friday morning, I woke up and felt wonderful. I had lost 4 pounds and felt full of energy and ready to take on what I knew would be a long and frantic day of meetings, more meetings, data, and hardly any actual teaching. By the end of the day, my stomach hurt in a throbbing way, but that was stress from a particular meeting that ended up being upsetting emotionally (long story, but there's a child that I work with who ended up witnessing something really bad in his home and I got to hear about it in detail). The stomach hurting ended when I left school.

Anyway, I promptly ruined all progress by eating a mini bag of m&ms (I NEEDED CHOCOLATE, K???) and then I went out to eat with some friends and had french fries and wine.

How do I feel this morning? My stomach rebelled. There was much tmi. I'm feeling off.

So game on again today. No sugar, no flour, no starches. Just basic, basic food. How can that be wrong? I've been reading up on the Paleo way of eating a lot. I'm not a trend follower, except when the trend follows along how I'm feeling. My main obstacle is myself. My main obstacle is inconsistency and laziness. That's what I have to remember.

I have thought about maybe adding chicken back into my diet. I've been a fish-only vegetarian for a few years now. The idea of red meat and pork still make me gag, but chicken is, well, chicken. And if I buy locally where I won't feel I'm contributing to cruel chicken farms, then I feel I can do that ethically (in the summer when my chicken-eating husband was here, I bought chicken from the farmer's market from a local farm).

So in conclusion, our body is amazing. It's amazing how what we put in our mouth affects our moods, our aches and pains, and energy levels.

Next? How to get my writing focused, how to get my writing focused...

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Has it really been a week?

So my writing this past week has been pretty good. Not spectacular. Not any 6000 words a day (pffff!).

But I do have a total of 7,000 words on a new project. Even so, I have slipped into some previously bad habits of fooling around the internet, reading interesting forums, getting hooked into fascinating you tube videos, etc. Time to Get Serious again.

And another note on writing. I struggle a lot internally between wanting to write something that will hit a "sweet spot" and catch on fire, that is, a subject matter that is suddenly "hot," like vampires were just as Twilight came onto the scene or what happened with the author that we went to see last weekend, where she was told that suddenly time travel books were "in." So naturally I want to hit one of the sweet spots. Dystopian novels are really in, and I really do dig those. I feel like I have no new ideas for one of those that hasn't already been done a million times. Sadly, though, as part of that whole "Be Andrea" resolution happiness projecty thing that I've been trying to act on, my interests tend to gravitate toward things that are not overall popular. I tend to go for the darker side of fate and human nature, things that people don't really want to escape read to explore. I tend to be interested in morbid things that most people would shudder about and say, "Why do you want to read about/write about such things?" I'm not afraid of the dark, I know what goes bump in the night, and sometimes I just want to explore it with my own flashlight. But my "nice girl" side just can't. My "nice girl" side wants to write something fluffier that appeals on a mass level. So somehow I need to find a balance between the two.

In other news, have to drop sugar and flour from my diet for awhile. Long story, but hypoglycemia is knocking at the door again. So while it is very disappointing to have to give up some awesome things that I love (like J.'s amazing homemade breads and pizzas!) and cupcakes. CUPCAKES, noooo, not fair, I know from previous experiences that after a few days, I will start to feel super good and energetic once again. Also this isn't forever. By summer I should be able to have those things occasionally again!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Writer and the Green-Eyed Monster, Squashed

So I promised A. I would write this post, sort of. That is, I mentioned in passing in an email that I definitely was going to blog about this.

So...there was this local author that spoke at the library yesterday. She's from the area and has written a young adult book that is getting a lot of buzz nationally and even internationally. Tempest by Julie Cross. I knew nothing about it before this speaking event. I did look up the premise and felt a little "eh, whatever" about it. I'm not really into time travel novels. They tend to confuse me and leave me disoriented and unsettled.

But that wasn't why I initially didn't want to go to this event.

My first reaction upon looking at the picture of this author that was in our library was a mean snark that she is pretty, but the picture looked totally pretentious and posed, as I'm sure it's supposed to. Like she's supposed to look sort of mysterious. It made me cringe inside. Anyway, that's not her fault. That's what the publishers probably do as part of promotional thingies.

But on top of that, author talks make me cringe because of an embarrassment squick. It's like all I can think about is how they can go dreadfully wrong. Like the author will start spewing stupid stuff or nobody will be interested or ask her questions or there will be hostile questions. I would die of embarrassment for an author if I were in the audience and that happened.

And then there was the other part of my feelings about this -- the secret, ugly part. Not so secret anymore. When hearing about this young, newly successful author who was sort of writing in my genre, I had to swallow a whole lot of bile and jealousy. Yes, that old fashioned, ugly, vile jealousy. She's young, she's local, and she's done what I can't seem to get going on in my life. She has achieved my dream, my longing, and she's here, right in the same town, not some glitzy New Yorker or L.A. hotshot.

HOWEVER, in alignment with one of my happiness project resolutions this year, I began to be super hyper aware of the thoughts in my headspace and worked on "reframing" the thoughts. I decided that to counter these thoughts, I actually needed to go to this event with an open mind, ready to learn from this person. I needed to go with genuine admiration for this person who has done what I have not been able to do yet and most importantly, I needed to go with the prevalent thought that her success does NOT equal my failure and that there is room for more, should I actually f***ing finish something.

This also goes along with another resolution of mine this year and that's to say yes to things that I would normally just automatically turn down or be too lazy to attend, especially local events.

So I went, I conquered, and it was good. I know most of you probably will think this is absolutely ridiculous, but I was nervous. I was waiting for A. and a friend of hers, and I was just nervous. I didn't get to sit with them because they had registered and I had not. I wasn't even sure I would get in because it was a popular event, but at the end they let people in when they determined who wasn't showing up on the registered list. I sat next to a very nice woman who keeps a book-reading blog, which I need to look up.

Anyway, I was still nervous. Why, you might ask? I was afraid of my thoughts! I was afraid that those jealous, resentful, knee-jerk reactionary emotions of shame that I, too, was not yet successful would return and make me ugly inside. I just took deep breaths and reminded myself of many truths, not the least of which that no matter what, there is something to learn from everyone. Anyway, the author had a young man do some reading from the book, and unfortunately the one scene that I did not want to be read was read (there was a home invasion murder toward the beginning that sets the rest of the plot in motion and those types of scenes are personally very triggery to me). But then it was over, I survived it, and the rest of the time was left for questions. I began to relax and enjoy. I took a lot of notes. Mostly I was looking for time management/motivation vibes from the author, haha. Quote from her, "I watched no television, had very little sleep, and had a lot of caffeine." Yep. Also her agent was there. Man, I always pictured literary agents as older/crusty/cynical people with rough New York accents, lol, but this woman was very young and pretty and sweet (she spoke a little, too, about the process of becoming a literary agent, which I found fascinating).

The weirdest thing that happened was that about, say 50 minutes into it (out of the hour time), a person at the back raised her hand and said in a tiny, sort of muffled voice, "I came in late. Do you think you could summarize everything you said up until now?" Everyone in the room was like HUH? and some people giggled nervously. The author was quite gracious and just babbled a bit. That seemed to satisfy the asker.

In conclusion, I'm glad I went. I did something I'd never done before and I'm glad. Another notch in the saying yes to something I normally would have turned down...AND I was able to conquer a major source of insecurity in my life. I shall start going to more of those, I think! :)

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Of the magical hour...

So, I still haven't forgotten Part 2 of that Writing post, believe it or not. I am just easily distracted. And a really good procrastinator.

And I am thinking about something in particular that is related to writing. I actually used to get up at 4 a.m. on a regular basis to write. Insane you say? Okay, yes, I will give you that. Everyone I've told this to, writers and non-writers alike, looks at me in awe and then steps away as if it might be catching. Luckily, it's not something I've ever been consistent with. Apparently I like my warm, cozy bed at 4 a.m. too much. Even if I am already awake because a certain lynx point Siamese thinks it's party time at 3 to 4 a.m. (Yes, I regularly wake up with all his toys in my bed and him batting at my face. And it is 6:40 p.m. right now and he is zonked out. Therein lies the problem.)

Anyway, I noticed that I really do come up with my best ideas at 4 a.m. The writing can be downright otherworldly -- stuff I don't even remember writing later, as if I wrote it in my sleep. My inner editor is a late sleeper and can't be bothered to deride everything I write at that time. The problem is, very few of these brilliant ideas that I might get while lying in bed still are ever remembered beyond that time because I'm too lazy/incompetent/tired/whatever to actually record the idea in my phone or write it down. I am really stuck on a particular writing idea right now. I brainstormed like crazy on a 4-mile walk I took today. I got little glimmers of something, but not too much. My plan is to try this again at 4 a.m. tomorrow. Yes, on a day wheN I don't even have to get up early for work. Actually this is a better idea because I can always go back to sleep at a time that pleases my cat a bit more.

I'll let you all know how it goes...

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Turistas Go Home

While I know I still need to do Part 2 of my writing history, my brain seems to be too fried to do so, and I will not really be home much the next few evenings. So I figure, a good vacation gone wrong movie review? Can't go wrong with that, right? ;D

And this one's a classic!

Turistas



IMBD says: A group of young backpackers' vacation turns sour when a bus accident leaves them marooned in a remote Brazilian rural area that holds an ominous secret.

I should point out that I watched this movie about 3 1/2 years ago very soon after I had first come back to the States after my own "vacation gone wrong" story, so I think this movie had a different effect on me than it might now or might have before. I was still high in PTSD mode, and yet I was seeking these kinds of stories out like crazy. Also, I was watching it while running on a treadmill in my parents' basement so the sound quality was not the best for me and I had to turn subtitles on. Which amused me to no end when it would say something like, "Babbling in Portuguese."

That being said, it was not the best of the genre, not the worst. The character development and ominous feeling at the beginning was pretty well done. Once we knew what was really going on and the terror really kicked in, it was actually kind of "eh whatever." Especially when the whole thing was REALLY about hot young people in bikinis/without shirts most of the movie. And yes, there is illegal organ transplanting going on. Also, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that I'm pretty sure it wasn't the best portrayal of Brazilians, full of stereotypes and all galore (which is pretty typical in this genre, as I have pointed out a few times before).

Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * * (Getting my organs stolen does not a restful vacation make)

Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * * (I don't remember very well now, but I don't remember feeling disgusted by them so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt)

Verdict: * * * (When expectations are low and emotions are heightened and it's the only thing distracting you from an hour-long run on a treadmill, the flick did not disappoint)

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Stop the presses, I did something amazing today!

Last night I met some friends at a great local restaurant (a little pricey, but heck, I never go out to eat, and this was some good food -- Mongolian barbecue style where you pick what you want stir fried together and they do it for you).

Anyway, someone there convinced me to participate in a 7.45 (or is it 7.6? Not sure!) mile Trail Run called the Siberian Express in a nearby state park. This race is done the first Saturday in January, no matter WHAT the weather. So given that it's usually below 0 windchill with snow on the ground this time of year, I think we lucked out with it being in the 40s and bright and sunny today.

Wow. So one of the tag lines about this 7.45 mile trail race that I just completed is "No Wimps!"

No Wimps? No kidding! My body hates me right now.

I had never done a trail race and I didn't know what to expect. I was told it was easy except for one famous hill. Well, there were a whole hell of a lot of hills, but none so bad as the One Hill.

Kickapoo Park is amazing in its beauty. It really is a gem, and only about a 30 minute drive from where I live. I started with my friend, but I told her NOT to wait for me because I was not really in any kind of shape to run 7.45 miles, much less on rough trails without doing some major walking along the way at some points. However, I LOVED this experience of trail running. I ran along this trail with a sappy smile on my face, just really taking in the scenery, really appreciating it -- the river, the ponds, the meadows, the woods, the ravines. About 4 miles into it, The One Hill came up. I was afraid. It was the first time I got a little freaky-deaky. The trail at this point was about 1 foot across and muddy and very slippery -- with a big 50 foot or so drop off on the side. I refused to look down, but just focused on crawling in the mud on hands and knees, grabbing for tree roots and hoping the person in front of me didn't slip and take us all down. When I reached the top, I had this HUGE GIDDINESS go over me that I had done that. I hadn't freaked out or frozen. I was badass.

I did have to stop and walk a few times, for sure. Trail running is NOT like running on a treadmill or even on regular sidewalks/streets. It's a lot harder. But the challenge of it and the scenery and the need to pay attention to where your feet are falling so you don't fall or slip is really a good distraction. My goal was to finish in under 2 hours, and I did finish 1:43! So not bad, considering I did stop and walk multiple times, sometimes very slowly to deal with slippery mud, and I did have to crawl on hands and knees a few times to navigate dicey parts of the trail!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Writing in the Past...Part I

So I asked some friends about some potential blog post topics, and my wise friend and fellow writing sufferer Audrey wrote, "I want you to write a post on your stories... I want to read about your past writing...."

Now, a few months ago, I did write this post:
How is Nano Going?

I will probably include some quotes from it in this story because it's story just sort of tangles in with all the others.

Me? I've been writing stories since I knew how to move a pen across paper. Back in the day, there were no computers or word processors or ipads. No siree. It was good old fashioned long hand or a clacky electric typewriter. No problem, I LOVED old fashioned long hand. I still return to it on occasion. Hence, my buying notebook obsession. (Yes, when Walmart has the yearly 10 cent college ruled notebook sales every fall, I am like a kid in a candy shop. It doesn't matter if I still have fifty unused notebooks at home. I hoard them like they might be deemed illegal next year).

Other kids are excited when their parents bring them home a toy or candy from the store. Me? I was ecstatic every time my mom brought me home another notebook. And don't get me started if I got to buy a notebook and pen before a major car/plane trip. Oh, the thrill! What worlds would my imagination open? What new emotions would it all spark? What universes would unfold? I don't remember much of those early stories. I do remember having to illustrate the upper part of it with bad stick figures (drawing has never been one of my talents). I know many of the stories were about friend conflicts and jealousies and drama (duh, I was in third grade). But there were also fantastical tales about magical cats (I wanted to be a cat for the longest time) and their kittens and a mystical land called Evony where soap bubbles floated everywhere.

In fourth grade I placed in the school district's Young Author's Contest with my multi-chaptered novel called "Sylvia Meets Jealousy on Links Street." Yes, these combined my above themes of cats and pre-adolescent angst. And surprise, surprise. The characters were personified cats and some of them were loosely based on friends I had at the time.

In fifth grade, I went through a bit of a writerly goth stage. I was into horror and adult angst and exploring the effects of things like fires and burns. Okay, at the time I wanted to be a firefighter when I grew up, little knowing that I wasn't going to grow very big or strong. I wrote violent, gory stories and shared them with my friends and then destroyed them afterwards. I can't even blame Stephen King for the influence. I didn't discover him and his horrifying pet cemetery of a mind until 8th grade. He was the one that later taught me to go where you don't think anyone wants you to go with your writing. And then go deeper and darker. It wasn't really a lesson I have heeded until later. And by deep and dark? I don't necessarily mean dark. I really mean deep. Dark only if necessary. That's a power to be wielded pretty sparingly.

I recently discovered a cheesy fantastical novel I wrote in eighth grade called "Beyond the Mirror." I laughed myself silly rereading it to myself. It was flowery and full of purple prose, about some friends who go through a mirror into a magic land (how original, right?). Ah, well, I'm pretty sure I enjoyed it immensely at the time. I filled a whole notebook with it. Oh gosh, there were sparkly unicorns and fairies and mermaids and everything that is awesome. But mostly there was a centaur named, get this, "Janein" (haha, "Yes-no" in German since I was taking German that semester). I think he came to a bad end in that story, as I have never been shy about killing off my darlings.

In high school, I started a big novel. I seem to have blocked the title out of my head, but oh boy, it filled my WORLD for about three or four years. Actually, beyond, because I remember when I was in college and learning to use word processors for the first time (shut-up, I was terrified of computers because they were new-fangled and I thought they would all go away) that I was typing it into a file. The main character was a girl, aged 12ish and she and her friends find? are given? a book that is magical. Stuff happens. Creepy stuff. The dead author is apparently after them. Also there is an older girl who had reportedly been driven mad by the book and was in a coma somewhere. (Her name was Rachel and apparently I had bored my sister with this story enough times that she named some toads she found and kept as pets Rachel, Rachel II, Rachel III etc. Win! Why is my niece not named Rachel? Huh?) There was a slightly older boy who had been friends with Rachel that the main character was in love with, but he had a girlfriend named Sherry (I had a cat named Sherry later - d'oh!). There was drama and creepiness and intrigue. Apparently there was a gateway to another world inside the book. Who knows, I'm sure it was all horribly executed. There was a lot of build up to a big, disappointing climax that involved a really bad storm.

Thank goodness that all relics of that story were destroyed so that one day when I'm terribly famous people won't sell it on ebay.

Okay, so it's getting late and I need to do other stuff so this was part I. I shall continue with part 2 tomorrow or more likely Thursday. :)))

Monday, January 2, 2012

Being Me

Well, as I mentioned yesterday when I talked about the Happiness Project and the author's personal commandments, I was really struck by the one that is "Being ___[insert your own name]."

It sounds so obvious and yet -- not. I think most of us are used to masking who we really are in order to fit in or hating ourselves because we don't, whether it's with your family or coworkers or friends (Thankfully, I have a huge number of friends and family who seem to accept my eccentric self the way I am for the most part). Still, being a creative type who tends to work with very normal people, it's really more often than not that I have to hide at least parts of my true nature. Now, I don't act fake. I don't pretend to like shopping or discussions about domestic things like bathroom improvements. In fact, I'm sometimes way too opinionated. I used to have a notepad that stated, "Everyone's Entitled to My Opinion." Uh-huh. But the surly curl of my lip while raising my eyebrows at the very idea of having bathroom improvements in my life has never in any way meant to put other people's interests down. It was more an insecurity thing. Part of me wishes I were more "normal," that I fit in with what regular 40-something women were into. (I do admit to trying to get into "Dancing With the Stars" in order to be able to participate in a lunch time discussion with colleagues...*cough*, that didn't last very long)

The other part of me is very pleased that I do not fit in. I may not have a normal marriage or own a house or have 2.2 kids and a dog, but I have had experiences not many others I have run into have. I have lived in foreign countries, I have traveled alone, I have looked death and horror in the face in the guise of an armed robber/rapist. I have made rash decisions, some of which have come out okay and some have not. But I never regret not trying.

So what does "Being Andrea" mean? It means owning my own experiences and ways of looking at life. It means being okay with being a writer who has yet to follow through on something (although that's changing now). It means not being ashamed that I like hokey old school soca music and Abba and 80s hits and occasionally really angry hip hop. It means openly admitting to people older than my three-year-old niece that I think mermaids are the coolest. It means not being ashamed that I talk to my cat in silly sing-song in the bathroom (the neighbors probably concur that this is dorkitude). It means admitting that I love bad horror movies (and of course vacation gone wrong movies!) and dark, gritty true crime shows. It means admitting and being okay with not liking to go out late at night to parties or rock concerts or baby showers.

I feel like I should be writing more that is profound here. There is probably more to say on this. A lot more. But I will stop for now. Stay tuned for writings about writing soon!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy 2012!

As I scuttle around the house on the very last day of my vacation (which did not go wrong and in fact was very good on a lot of different levels), cooking for the week, doing laundry, etc., it occurs to me that I am at peace beginning this January and it's all because of an awesome blog that I discovered during the last few days:

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

As often happens in these cases, I was desperate to find something to inspire me out of this funk I've been in for months on end, something to help me change my attitude, get off my butt and start living and creating again, and get organized. I don't even know how I found the site. I think it was an accident, but I have been devouring the archives for the last five days or so and I'm only in 2007 somewhere!

The blog started when the blogger, a writer (yay, writers! WE ARE COOL YES WE ARE), decided to do research and self-experimentation in pursuit of happiness. She approaches it from different angles, from current scientific knowledge to wisdom from the ages to popular culture. There is a lot of concrete advice, a lot of inspiration in just the way I tend to like it. Not overly sappy/sentimental while being concrete enough to try myself or mold it into something I could try myself. She has twelve personal commandments, the top of which is "Being Gretchen" (basically about loving and owning who she is and being authentic in that way). This is more complicated than you may think and I will talk about that another day.

So here, starting January 1, 2012, I embark on my personal Happiness Project. I know that a huge part of what makes me happy is when I think I am living up to my expectations and accomplishing personal goals (such as writing/running/etc.) and not brooding. I don't call these New Year's resolutions per se, because I hope it's not something that drizzles out in a few days, weeks, or even months. I hope it's something to hang onto when my natural tendency to be lazy and unmotivated kicks in.

And also? Not to be so stereotypical New Year's Day, but these extra holiday pounds (5 of them!!!) have to go. Farewell to the plethora of cookies, rich dips and chips, comfort food, wine, chocolate. Hello, vegetables and fruit and water and running. I've never really been on a diet that's lasted for more than two days (I get really bored by diets), so this will be interesting to see if I can last.

Anyway, I know I promised Pink Audrey a post about writing -- that will come some time this week.

Happy New Year, good friends and family! Good luck to us!