When I act as lazy as I have been lately, I honestly can't figure out if I'm just lazy or there's some other craziness going on in my head or if I'm just stressed and unable to focus. I have the ammunition, I have the desire, I have the motivation. So why is it that I wake up at Ridiculous O'Clock to write (yes, I'm actually able to pop right out of bed) and I still don't write? Or maybe I write for like 10 minutes, when I've had a good hour and a half set aside to do so.
Well one thing is that it turns out I've become a little obsessed with this tweaking what goes in my mouth thing right now and so I am reading a lot of articles about it, forums, etc. That's time-consuming and I don't seem to get bored of it. So far I've been almost two weeks with no flour or processed sugar (aside from fruit) or grains. I've eaten eggs! I feel physically great and I now go for hours without feeling even a twinge of hunger. (I did set myself back a little last Friday when I met some friends for dinner and had some food that wasn't good for me and wow, it's taken almost all week to get back to where I was before that dinner as far as weight and good feelings). My exercise routine has tanked, however, because suddenly we have much colder temperatures *grump* (WHAT?? COLD IN FEBRUARY?? THE OUTRAGE!!!) and I don't really like going to the gym and it's too cold to be outside right now.
But I'm also frustrated about the writing thing. I used to be able to take any idea in my mind and create magic with it. Lately, I can't seem to find passion in most new things I start. I start them, write about 8000 words, and then I feel disgusted with them and want to just delete. Yet I can still picture the premise in my mind like it's a great idea. It's just the characters. They won't cooperate into becoming interesting people that I want to write about, much less that others would want to read about. I still love love love my original universe, you know, the novel from hell that has been in my life forever. So, people might ask, why not just focus on your original project, Eccentric Auntie? Because, my friends, there's so much emotional baggage wrapped up in it. It has a past. Ugh. Which is probably WHY I love it so much. And yes, I do work on it. But it makes me sad because as much as I love it and nurture it, it will likely never hit that "sweet spot" and be appreciated for the genius that it is. Okay, I'm kidding there, but you know what I mean. It's like if you have a kid and you love that kid with every breath you have, you think he's a genius, but you know that when you send him out in the world, the world is not going to love him or think he's a genius like you do. Unless he ends up discovering a cure for cancer or becomes a good looking actor or athlete that just happens to hit some national "sweet spot." That's what I'm talking about.
I also suspect I'm too scattered, considering that nobody is sponsoring me to just write full time. I actually have a full time, emotionally draining job. I have four, count 'em, FOUR awesome novel ideas right now that I take notes on. That is WAY too unfocused for what little time I have. I have my original-original novel, I have three or four other strong ideas, and to tell you the truth, I can never decide what to work on, what really needs the most of my attention, what SHOULD have the most of my attention.
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It's just the characters. They won't cooperate into becoming interesting people that I want to write about, much less that others would want to read about.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to share with you an awesome piece of advice from Anne Lamott's "Bird by Bird."
"If you knowingly fake something to get the plot to move forward--if, for instance, you have taken a character you don't understand and given her feelings you don't really feel because you want the plot to work--you probably won't get away with it. . . . You've got to go into [your characters] and since you don't know them, this means that you need to go into you . . . who will be able to figure out what is true for these people and hence, what they would or would not do in a given situation" (59-60).
"Just don't pretend you know more about your characters than they do, because you don't. Stay open to them. It's teatime and all the dolls are at the table. Listen. It's that simple" (53).
I hope that helps.
If you're stuck on plot, back up and get to know your characters better.
Healthamateur: omg, you have no idea -- I LOVE Anne Lamott. She was my original writing hero back in the day. I've had and quote from Bird by Bird since the 1990s! :D
ReplyDeleteBut thanks for reminding me of that scene. That's a great vision, of dolls sitting around a tea table. *nods* Good way of looking at it.
One thing I used to do while running or walking outside is pretend I'm the therapist my PTSD-suffering characters were coming to see! :D