Mmm...lazy sunday!

Oops it's been awhile, hasn't it?

Work has been over-the-top stressful and it seems I can only focus on so many things at the same time. I've become a library book junkie, though. I just love checking out a bunch of non-fiction books about various topics (seriously, non-fiction because there's so little commitment required...if it's not my style or not interesting, I have no trouble just skimming a bit and giving up. With fiction I feel more an obligation to read every word). I love reading about nutrition and survival stories and self-help ideas and even stuff that does not apply to me AT ALL, like dating advice. I love to read stuff like that for ideas for my characters and just for amusement (and gratitude that I'm not IN the dating world, haha). Writing books, too, although they start to annoy me after awhile, most of the time. I check out anything that just catches my fancy at that moment.

A great book that I've just finished is called The Survivor's Club. I read that book absolutely riveted. It's about people who have survived amazing things, and some of the science behind it. What makes some people do the right thing in a crisis, and what makes others flail or freeze. Really fascinating writing and well written.

Well, it's Sunday morning and the coffee is good, the cat is purring, and there's still a full day spread ahead. *raises mug*

Day off!

Yay, so today is President's Day and I have an extra day off, which is exactly what I need! In fact, after I write this post, I'm going to banish myself from the internet for the day and write all day! Yes, I can do this. I got seriously into it for a few hours yesterday and the only reason I stopped was because I was going to bring some dinner over to my dad! Otherwise, I might have gone into "forget to eat" mode (which, believe me, does not happen that often).

As for my whining in the last post, as usual, Write Group represents with awesome advice and support. It's so true. I tend to expect perfection whenever I'm trying to change my life. I get frustrated when my inner toddler takes over and kicks everything and whines and wants to eat cupcakes all day. And if you got to try any of Pink Audrey's oreo cupcakes, then you would understand why I would want to eat cupcakes all day.

One of my non-sugary/non-floury concoctions I'm working on perfecting is sugar-free, flour-free pancakes. I got this recipe somewhere and adjusted the ingredients to my taste, but here it is:

1/4 cup almond flour (expensive stuff, but if you're only using 1/4 cup on weekends, it will last a long time!)
1/2 cup coconut milk
2 eggs
pinch of baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla

Pour onto griddle or whatever you use to make pancakes greased with butter or olive oil or coconut oil.

Top with fruit or eat savory!

If you're the kind of person who MUST have sweet pancakes, then I imagine you could add sugar or honey to it or even mashed bananas to keep it naturally sweet (I might try that today as an experiment). And add syrup if sugar isn't a problem for you! :)

I actually really love my new way of eating and honestly? The only stress about it is feeling very limited when dealing with social situations or going out to restaurants where there are so many hidden ingredients in things. (Who knew that KFC put MSG all over their green beans, for example??? Why? Why? Green beans are awesome by themselves. Not that I ever eat at KFC, but since I brought some over for my dad yesterday, I was looking at the nutritional information)

Also, I find that a square of very dark-dark chocolate (like over 70% dark) really helps with sweet cravings!

Now, as for my writing, I want to end this beautiful day off knowing that I am on a super sonic roll. So wish me luck!

Whiny McWhiny pants

As always, I'm a very sad work in progress.

I say I'm going to do one thing and I get all determinedy and I'm actually very good at sounding full of conviction so that other people actually believe I'm going to succeed and follow through. Then I go and do the exact opposite. I break. I fizzle out. I rebel. Then I feel bad for awhile, but I quickly forgive myself and promise to do better. This has been a pattern for as long as I can remember and it must stop.

Let's just say that both my eating plan and my writing plan failed utterly this past weekend. I am SO scattered right now. I keep making excuses for myself and promising to do better the next day. Meanwhile I have success on no fronts. I'm even being a bit anti-social with my friends in order to banish myself from distractions so I can accomplish these things that I am not doing -- how insane is that?? Also, the main problem is that no matter what I claim I am determined to do, I keep changing my mind. Inconsistency has always been a huge weakness, but this is getting ridiculous and far worse than it used to be. First I'm going to eat in a particular way, then two days later I get bored so I switch to eating a different way. My body gets confused. I lose a few pounds, I gain a few pounds, I get in great running shape, I stop running and get out of shape. Or I'm going to write on this project, but no, this other project is better, more exciting. But no, I should go back to whatever I was doing before. And by the way, I should start over, from the beginning because it's been so long. Ugh, if there was only some way to force my brain to do whatever it takes to get to where I want to go.

I want the satisfaction of bringing a project to completion. Admitting it is the first step, yes?

The mystery of lack of focus...

When I act as lazy as I have been lately, I honestly can't figure out if I'm just lazy or there's some other craziness going on in my head or if I'm just stressed and unable to focus. I have the ammunition, I have the desire, I have the motivation. So why is it that I wake up at Ridiculous O'Clock to write (yes, I'm actually able to pop right out of bed) and I still don't write? Or maybe I write for like 10 minutes, when I've had a good hour and a half set aside to do so.

Well one thing is that it turns out I've become a little obsessed with this tweaking what goes in my mouth thing right now and so I am reading a lot of articles about it, forums, etc. That's time-consuming and I don't seem to get bored of it. So far I've been almost two weeks with no flour or processed sugar (aside from fruit) or grains. I've eaten eggs! I feel physically great and I now go for hours without feeling even a twinge of hunger. (I did set myself back a little last Friday when I met some friends for dinner and had some food that wasn't good for me and wow, it's taken almost all week to get back to where I was before that dinner as far as weight and good feelings). My exercise routine has tanked, however, because suddenly we have much colder temperatures *grump* (WHAT?? COLD IN FEBRUARY?? THE OUTRAGE!!!) and I don't really like going to the gym and it's too cold to be outside right now.

But I'm also frustrated about the writing thing. I used to be able to take any idea in my mind and create magic with it. Lately, I can't seem to find passion in most new things I start. I start them, write about 8000 words, and then I feel disgusted with them and want to just delete. Yet I can still picture the premise in my mind like it's a great idea. It's just the characters. They won't cooperate into becoming interesting people that I want to write about, much less that others would want to read about. I still love love love my original universe, you know, the novel from hell that has been in my life forever. So, people might ask, why not just focus on your original project, Eccentric Auntie? Because, my friends, there's so much emotional baggage wrapped up in it. It has a past. Ugh. Which is probably WHY I love it so much. And yes, I do work on it. But it makes me sad because as much as I love it and nurture it, it will likely never hit that "sweet spot" and be appreciated for the genius that it is. Okay, I'm kidding there, but you know what I mean. It's like if you have a kid and you love that kid with every breath you have, you think he's a genius, but you know that when you send him out in the world, the world is not going to love him or think he's a genius like you do. Unless he ends up discovering a cure for cancer or becomes a good looking actor or athlete that just happens to hit some national "sweet spot." That's what I'm talking about.

I also suspect I'm too scattered, considering that nobody is sponsoring me to just write full time. I actually have a full time, emotionally draining job. I have four, count 'em, FOUR awesome novel ideas right now that I take notes on. That is WAY too unfocused for what little time I have. I have my original-original novel, I have three or four other strong ideas, and to tell you the truth, I can never decide what to work on, what really needs the most of my attention, what SHOULD have the most of my attention.

On what we put in our mouths

So I tried this experiment this week in which I cut out all flour, starches, and sugar from my diet (exception being lower sugar fruit like berries).

I allowed myself protein, vegetables, and dairy, some berries, and nuts.

For a few days I felt yucky. I couldn't tell if that was a "low carb flu" that people who cut out a lot of carbs get or whether it was my job (which was very stressful this week). I felt headachy, lethargic, and tired.

I had this weird upper stomach bloating that I was able to pinpoint exactly to extra dairy intake. I cut out the dairy for about two days and voila, it was gone. (I had SOME dairy, just not the big amounts I was having before).

However, come Friday morning, I woke up and felt wonderful. I had lost 4 pounds and felt full of energy and ready to take on what I knew would be a long and frantic day of meetings, more meetings, data, and hardly any actual teaching. By the end of the day, my stomach hurt in a throbbing way, but that was stress from a particular meeting that ended up being upsetting emotionally (long story, but there's a child that I work with who ended up witnessing something really bad in his home and I got to hear about it in detail). The stomach hurting ended when I left school.

Anyway, I promptly ruined all progress by eating a mini bag of m&ms (I NEEDED CHOCOLATE, K???) and then I went out to eat with some friends and had french fries and wine.

How do I feel this morning? My stomach rebelled. There was much tmi. I'm feeling off.

So game on again today. No sugar, no flour, no starches. Just basic, basic food. How can that be wrong? I've been reading up on the Paleo way of eating a lot. I'm not a trend follower, except when the trend follows along how I'm feeling. My main obstacle is myself. My main obstacle is inconsistency and laziness. That's what I have to remember.

I have thought about maybe adding chicken back into my diet. I've been a fish-only vegetarian for a few years now. The idea of red meat and pork still make me gag, but chicken is, well, chicken. And if I buy locally where I won't feel I'm contributing to cruel chicken farms, then I feel I can do that ethically (in the summer when my chicken-eating husband was here, I bought chicken from the farmer's market from a local farm).

So in conclusion, our body is amazing. It's amazing how what we put in our mouth affects our moods, our aches and pains, and energy levels.

Next? How to get my writing focused, how to get my writing focused...