Chernobyl Diaries - when Extreme tourism goes wrong....

Chernobyl Diaries

IMDb says: Six tourists hire an extreme tour guide who takes them to the abandoned city Pripyat, the former home to the workers of the Chernobyl nuclear reactor. During their exploration, they soon discover they are not alone.


I saw this movie in the theater and I had a lot of fun with it. I went in with absolutely zero expectations, since well, the title says it all. I knew ahead of time that the characters would likely be whiny American tourists for whom I would have little sympathy making dumb mistakes. In truth, the best part about this movie is the build up and character development. Okay, maybe not stellar, but for a horror movie, pretty awesome. I actually liked the main female character and actually connected quite a bit with her.


Things go dreadfully wrong when the shady tour guide's van doesn't start just as sun is beginning to set on this creepy, abandoned city.  The atmosphere is everything in this movie and it is indeed CREEPY. I had goosebumps. I was even saying to myself, "This has to be one of the scariest movies I've seen!"  Because I had gotten to know the characters, I was right there with them, feeling more and more trapped and freaked out as the sun went down. And there ARE things that go bump in the night. Major radioactive bump.


However, the movie ultimately disappoints.  The last third of it made very little sense, there were bizarre plot holes (like why, why, why was one of the girls able to get away one or two times when all other victims were ripped apart or taken away right away? Hint: Probably because she was blond and pretty and helpless.).  


The ending was horrible and dumb and well, rather laughable.  It ruined the whole movie for me.


Oh, there was a random bear at one point. Random bear was random. I just had to throw that out there, especially for Saturday Sequins and Mr. Sequins. 


Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: ***** Starting with random bear and ending with, well, ending, nobody gets out alive. Extreme tourism? Extreme ways to meet your maker, I'd say.
Did I care about the characters factor: **** Yes, for the most part. At least the main character. I so wanted her to live.
Verdict: ***  Yeah, those writers should be sent on an Extreme Tour of sitting on their butts in front of the computer to come up with an ending that doesn't suck. 

Speaking of vacations gone wrong...

With spring break coming up, I have to admit that I was craving an all-inclusive beach-bum sort of vacation again. You know, the kind where EVERYTHING is taken care of for you, and all you have to do is lie on the beach or go snorkeling.

Upon doing some research, I found this interesting site on traveling to Mexico.

Mexico Vacation Awareness

It's not your usual travel warnings...but the stories listed on this site are pretty horrifying in general and would make me think twice about traveling there, even to the resort town of Cancun (although I have been there before with no incident, but isn't that the case anywhere? Statistics don't matter when you're the victim). It's not so much about the fact that crime and accidents happen there. Those things happen everywhere in the world (muggings, rapes, robberies, accidents, drownings). It's just that in certain places, visitors are sometimes particularly targeted for crime OR when an accident or crime happens and/or you need medical help, the people you rely on to help you (police, EMTs, hospitals) are corrupt or incompetent. This can be especially true on resorts or places where tourism is heavily relied on because the authorities will want to push whatever happens under the rug as to not hurt their bottom line.


(Author's Note: Naturally, this is not a problem exclusive to Mexico. And I should point out that this is in no way a slam on average Mexican citizens, whom I have found to be lovely and warm. There are gems, turds, and everything in between in every culture, country, and place around the world.)

As for my spring break, it looks like I'm having a Staycation. I have some plans, such as possibly cooking around the world, doing a writing boot camp, catching up on some books and movies. The week will pass too fast, but you know what? Summer is coming. I am very lucky to have a very low-paying job where the one benefit is having 2 1/2 months off in the summer! My goal for this summer is to try not to get roped into much as far as professional development either. I'd rather just do that during the school year. Am I not going to a literacy conference this coming week? Why, yes I am! Professional development = CHECK.

Timber Falls - yay, another Vacation Gone Wrong movie!

This one was. . .interesting, but definitely a vacation gone dreadfully wrong...

Timber Falls



IMDB says: A weekend of camping in the mountains becomes an excursion into hell for a young couple, who become pawns in a grotesque plot hatched by deranged locals.

In a horror movie, whenever a young couple are being all lovey-dovey and all excited to go into the wilderness on a hike together, it's just a matter of time before someone gets eaten by a bear or accosted by deranged locals who believe that you should be married before fornicating on their sacred lands.

Much like the vacation-gone-wrong scenarios that take place in exotic third-world countries, this is a home-grown version of the same kind of xenophobia. This takes place in exotic Appalachia where of course everyone is backwards and creepy. Yep, perfectly normal to kidnap a couple and force them to procreate for them and make them get married ahead of time so that the baby will be not born in sin.

That being said, this was actually a good horror flick that surpassed expectations. The SyFy channel had given it one star, which is pretty funny from a company that produces movies like Sharktopus on a regular basis. Now to be fair, there WERE things that were completely over-the-top horror movie tropes and ridiculous. There were times when I really didn't get why certain characters were doing certain things. However, the premise was actually very clever and terrifying. The acting was not too bad either, and I really did wonder up until the end how in the world the couple was going to get out of that situation (sign of a good story).

Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * * There was torture, there was over-the-top lunacy, there were fetuses in random jars, there was the creepy not-quite-right-in-the-head brother of the main antagonist with the distorted face and animalistic sex drive. The only reason I'm not giving four stars is that the main characters did escape in the end.

Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * * Somewhat. They seemed a little annoying and bland and self-centered, but they seemed to pull it together when the going got tough.

Verdict: * * I'm being far more generous than Sy Fy channel rating, but hey, it was okay entertainment. Do I want to watch it again? No, probably not.

Turistas Go Home

While I know I still need to do Part 2 of my writing history, my brain seems to be too fried to do so, and I will not really be home much the next few evenings. So I figure, a good vacation gone wrong movie review? Can't go wrong with that, right? ;D

And this one's a classic!

Turistas



IMBD says: A group of young backpackers' vacation turns sour when a bus accident leaves them marooned in a remote Brazilian rural area that holds an ominous secret.

I should point out that I watched this movie about 3 1/2 years ago very soon after I had first come back to the States after my own "vacation gone wrong" story, so I think this movie had a different effect on me than it might now or might have before. I was still high in PTSD mode, and yet I was seeking these kinds of stories out like crazy. Also, I was watching it while running on a treadmill in my parents' basement so the sound quality was not the best for me and I had to turn subtitles on. Which amused me to no end when it would say something like, "Babbling in Portuguese."

That being said, it was not the best of the genre, not the worst. The character development and ominous feeling at the beginning was pretty well done. Once we knew what was really going on and the terror really kicked in, it was actually kind of "eh whatever." Especially when the whole thing was REALLY about hot young people in bikinis/without shirts most of the movie. And yes, there is illegal organ transplanting going on. Also, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that I'm pretty sure it wasn't the best portrayal of Brazilians, full of stereotypes and all galore (which is pretty typical in this genre, as I have pointed out a few times before).

Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * * (Getting my organs stolen does not a restful vacation make)

Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * * (I don't remember very well now, but I don't remember feeling disgusted by them so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt)

Verdict: * * * (When expectations are low and emotions are heightened and it's the only thing distracting you from an hour-long run on a treadmill, the flick did not disappoint)

When Vacations Attack...

So the Travel Channel now has the following show.

When Vacations Attack

hahaha. Totally fits the theme of this blog, right?

I love it when the universe is in sync with my silly little mind.


In other news, I am ON BREAK for the next two weeks. There is nothing that feels better than being at the beginning of a glorious vacation. I'm not traveling this year, and at first I was really disappointed. I mean, I really wanted to see my good friends in Seattle for New Year's. But the plans would have involved some really dicey traveling on New Year's Day since school starts up for us on the 2nd right away. And there's nothing like coming back all disoriented and tired and having to get through a long week of work, right in the middle of winter when you're achy and cold and miserable anyway. And also, the tickets to Seattle were totally not in my budget. $800 round trip??? Not possible. And even if I had money to throw around, I couldn't spend that much on a domestic ticket, just out of principle. Ridiculous!

So anyway, I'm not traveling. Now that the option is out of my hands, I LOVE not having to travel over the holidays. No airport drama, no anxiety, no worrying about the weather (which has not been too bad around here this month), getting to sleep in my own bed most nights, getting to putter, etc.

And I get to hang out with a ferocious, six-hundred pound Siberian Snow Tiger.

oooh, it's been awhile since I did a vacation gone wrong movie...

Well, I watched this awhile ago, but I think it's worth including, considering it's been a very long time since I did one of these reviews!

And Soon the Darkness



IMDB says: Stephanie and Ellie's vacation to an exotic village in Argentina is a perfect 'girl's getaway' to bask in the sun, shop and flirt with the handsome locals. After a long night of bar-hopping, the girls get into an argument, and Stephanie heads out alone in the morning to cool off. But when she returns, Ellie has disappeared. Finding signs of a struggle, Stephanie fears the worst, and turns to the police for help. But the local authorities have their hands full already - with a string of unsolved kidnappings targeting young female tourists. With danger mounting, and time running out, Stephanie must find her friend before darkness falls.

Let's just say that the beautiful scenery was the only redeeming thing about this movie. Well, I guess the plot was fun. Not terribly realistic or well executed, but fun. It's the kind of plot I love to see if it's well done, but in this case, no. Basically the problem is that the tourists involved are so stupid and make so many silly mistakes that the plot just sort of writes itself. Getting drunk in a pub full of unfamiliar people and strange men and deliberately trying to tantalize them? Check. Separating from their main bike tour in the middle of nowhere and telling nobody where they are? Check. Having a dumb fight and leaving your best friend in the middle of nowhere in a strange country? Check.

And of course stereotypes about the exotic danger of South America are in abundance.

Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * * (kidnapping sucks, even if the kidnappers were as dumb as the tourists)

Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * (they were stupid)

Verdict: * * (eh, okay entertainment if you're seriously bored, but not recommended)

The Lion Sleeps Tonight -- NOT

I really can't resist this one! I figure i might be a bit busy this week with various things, like partying for my birthday (hey, I turn 41 on Wednesday, hear me roar loader than the lions in the movie I'm about to discuss) and work stuff and actually writing (yes, I've been doing that this weekend).

Prey




IMDB says: While working in a dam in Africa, the American hydraulic engineer Tom Newman brings his family to spend a couple of days in the Leopard's Rest Lodge. His fourteen year-old daughter Jessica is having friction with her stepmother Amy since she does not accept the divorce of her parents. On the next morning, Amy, Jessica and her brother David go in a game drive with a ranger while Tom goes to the dam. While driving off-road, David asks the ranger to stop the jeep to go to the "toilet", and unexpectedly they are attacked by a group of starving lions that kill and eat the ranger. Amy, Jessica and David are trapped in the jeep and stalked by the wild lions. When Tom returns to the hotel and finds that his family has not returned from the game, he asks for help to the experienced hunter and guide Crawford and together they seek Tom's family.

There is something just so primal about Man verses Nature. Or shall we say spoiled American teenagers verses hungry lions. I watched this movie a couple years ago, curled up with my cat. My cat and I were both rooting for the lions. There really isn't much else to say about this movie, quite honestly. Especially amusing is the scene when they are barricaded in the car and some people have already been eaten and scavenged by hyenas right in front of them and the stepmother is worried that the kids will tattle to her new husband that she smokes. Um, lady, I think that's the very least of your worries, mayhaps? Of course her lighter is what saves the day in the end, alas. For them. Poor lions.

Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * (the family was far scarier than the lions)

Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * (I'd be so mean if I put no stars, wouldln't I? Is this a pity star? I do believe it is...)

Verdict: * * (The lions were pretty cool)

Stranded

I'm in a bad mood this evening, so it's time to watch some fictitious people suffer. (*my own characters are ALL sighing a big sigh of relief that I'm too tired to write this evening*) So here's a movie for your delight!

Stranded



IMBD says: Bride-to-be Carina decides to do take her four friends to an exotic Caribbean island for a hen party to remember. After arriving at the luxurious resort the women take a boat ride to isolated island where they can bask in sun and sand - and it's there that the nightmare begins. The captain of the boat forgets to pick the girls up, leaving them stranded, forcing them to use a deserted house as a makeshift shelter. Then, one by one, the girls start to vanish. With Carina's big day the last thing on the girls minds they start to wonder whether they will see out the night...

Wow. This movie started with so much potential. What could be more ripe for vacation disaster than a group of carefree women at a bacholerette party partying it up in in some non-descript, unnamed island in the Caribbean? I mean, I LOVED the movie Bridesmaids. This was going to be JUST LIKE THAT only in the Caribbean and without comedy, right? Sadly, I must crush your hopes. But still. Things were just BOUND to go dreadfully wrong when the ladies decided to hire a shady dude with a creaky, tiny boat to take them to some nearby island for a private day trip. When the dude doesn't pick them up as scheduled at the end of the day, things start to go wrong. The ladies start disappearing one by one. Now this would be fine and good. Hurray! Serial killer on the island! Except...THEN the movie, just as things might be getting good and right toward the end, starts trying to do too much. It puts in all these bizarre twists and turns. I won't give away everything in case you're dying to see this, but let's just say that ex-boyfriends, Mafia connections, an island adventure package that everyone but the bride was in on, etc. , were all driving forces in the last er...(maybe?) fifteen minutes of this movie.

Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * * (eh, sucks to be the ladies that were kidnapped and knocked off)

Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * (one star ONLY for the friend that was originally not going to come but then showed up only to find her friends missing. . . oh, and for the hot random detective guy who showed up during the last 30 minutes. He was worth it.)

Verdict:: * * This movie COULD have gone places, but tropes and silliness and bad acting and a bad script did so prevent that.

A vacation gone wrong movie for your pleasure

Since I don't have a lot of time or energy this morning, how about a movie...

Black Water



IMDB says, While on vacation on Northern Australia, Gracie, her husband Adam and her younger sister Lee decide to take the Blackwater Barry tour in the swamp for fishing. Their guide Jim uses a small motor boat and takes the tourist along the river to a remote spot. When they stop, they are attacked by a huge crocodile that capsizes their boat and immediately kills Jim. The three survivors climb a tree and when they realize that help would never come to rescue them, they decide to try to find a way out of their sheltered location. However, in the muddy water, their boat is flipped and the crocodile stalks the trio under the water.

This is an independent Australian movie and the vacation was in the characters' own backyard, so it doesn't have quite the same "exotic vacation trope" as going to a Third World country on vacation might, but it was still awesome. So much joy and fun at the beginning. So much downhill to come. One awesome thing is that they actually used a real saltwater croc for many of the scenes. No special effects. I also really dig movies in which the characters are stuck in some place from which it would be so easy to escape but the thing of horror prevents that. (One of Stephen King's scariest short stories (to me) followed this theme with a group of friends swimming out to a raft-dock in the middle of a lake and then encountering some freakish oil-spill-looking creature who ate anyone who dared get in the water, thus trapping them on this raft-dock thing). In this case, the croc is determined and patient.

Vacation gone wrong factor:* * * * (hey, not everyone died, so it's four stars only this time)

Did I care about the characters factor: * * * * (I liked these people. Was not rooting for the crocodile. There was some whining, of course, but dude, I would be too if I was stuck in some mangroves with a giant croc stalking me)

Verdict: * * * * * (this was a great surprise. I expected it to suck and it totally didn't)

Speaking of vacations gone wrong...

No time to blog this morning, as my usual morning writing time was taken up by actually sleeping in a bit today.

But I leave you with this picture. I'm sure most of us have been here, done that at some point, had to put our time in sleeping at the airport because of the latest apocalyptic snowstorm/zombie attack/tornado/whatever:

In praise of "See you next Wednesday!"

The title of this blog is something I have gotten to say almost every Wednesday ever since last December when my writing group started meeting every Wednesday evening. Our group of four began as a series of Nanowrimo write-ins. If you’re a writer, you’ve probably heard of Nanowrimo. If you’re not, let me explain what it is. It’s a month of utter hell in which procrastination is not an option and you write utter garbage just to get 50,000 words of some type of incoherent plot written. Some people call it National Novel Writing Month.

Last year I participated. This novel, which shall never see the light of day, was pretty awesome in its awfulness. I think of it with cringing fondness as one might a visiting toddler nephew with chocolate smeared all over his face who sticks peanut butter on your cat, calls 911 by accident multiple times, and breaks your china yet hugs you and tells you he loves you. Yes you love your nephew, but you’re awfully glad when he leaves and you’re left to deal with the damage. That’s about how I feel about last year’s Nanowrimo project. To tell you the truth, I haven’t even opened that file since the end of November. I have a fuzzy recollection of Australia, saltwater crocodiles, cycads, modern day pirates, and deadly jelly fish (can you just GUESS the theme of that story, can you?).

So there were these write-ins at the public library, and I showed up in a rare state of, “yes, I WILL leave the house and attempt to meet other human beings.” Well, I met these notorious three others, and after Nanowrimo finished, we continued to meet. It’s been almost a year and we still meet. These people are so awesome. Why? First and foremost because writers are different. Let’s face it. We are quirky in wild and wonderful ways, and the normal world doesn’t always quite get us. I can say things that will just get me a strange look among normal people, but among other writers, not only do they get it, but they embellish it. As a silly example, we usually initially meet in the library’s café. Near the café is a mysterious room. Sometimes we watch people go in and out of it. We have developed an entire storyline about it, how there are cryogenic experiments going on there and how the librarians are all in on it. (This bears a striking resemblance to a thing I had going with a friend in high school about how all the German teachers were secret cannibals -- we had songs and everything! Ah, writers!)

But that’s not all. I can be myself, whether I am hyper and bouncy or in a glum hate-the-world mood. And perhaps even more importantly, I feel a part of a community. Like in the way that I might say to myself, “Yeah, I could move back to Florida where it doesn’t snow, but I have family here and my awesome writing group. I moved back to this area because of a traumatic experience, and I’m dealing with the fallout of that decision almost every day since my husband lives and works overseas nine months out of every year. The decision to truly settle here was not easy. And yet this group really helps make that decision not only tolerable, but downright pleasant on Wednesdays (even in the winter).

And by the way, we don’t actually often work on writing when we meet. In fact, I would say it’s rare. Most days we’re chatting about other things or just ideas for writing. They bring me baked goods. We hula hoop together in the park. They appreciate my hummus. They show me pretty beaded projects.

In fact, three of us (the fourth was out of town) went through a tornado together back in May. Okay, so the tornado didn’t tear through town or anything, but the warning sirens went off and we all had to go into the library’s mysterious basement for an hour.

In short, they are awesome (And also I have them to thank for not only a push to start this blog but the idea of the theme behind it).

Early Morning Spiders

I wake up early, and when I say early, I’m not talking about 6:00 a.m. or even 7:00 a.m. (yes, I know that’s early for a lot of people). I mean, my alarm goes off at 4:35 a.m., and believe it or not, I usually don’t wake up to it. I’m usually already awake when it goes off. And this morning, I was wide awake. So wide awake that I was convinced that I had overslept and that it was actually 6:30. Somehow the sky looked lighter than it usually is at 4:15 a.m.

So anyway, I was up and having my coffee with my laptop on lap by 5 a.m.

What should scamper across the floor right in front of me like it owned the place, but a HUGE spider. Yep, big enough to really think it should own the place, I’m sure. I know. September is the season for spiders galore, but it doesn’t make me like it any better. Still, it was no match for my shoe. RIP giant invader spider. May you get to eat small children plenty of bugs in spider heaven. That was my morning procrastination.

Speaking of procrastination, there’s this program called Self Control that I found some time during this past year. It’s a great program, although (edited to add, thank you, healthamateur), it is for Mac Users only. Fear not, as I am SURE there are similar programs out there for non-Mac users! You download the program and then you list a bunch of sites that you’re “black listing.” You pick the period of time that you want to be banned from the internet. It blocks you from all those sites, the sites you are addicted to. You get other stuff done. It’s awesome. It’s sort of like running, though. You have to actually get out the door for it to happen and in this case, you have to actually open the program. I done good today, though. I stayed off the internet until now.

Okay, for your daily dose of Vacations Gone Dreadfully Wrong, I bring you this true story:

Croc Kills Woman Years After Her Sister's Death

So, if you don’t want to click on the link, this woman got eaten by a crocodile while on holiday in India (while her boyfriend filmed it apparently) only a few short years after her sister had died in another freak accident while on a DIFFERENT holiday (of the mountain climbing variety). Now, not to make light of this since this family has got to be in some major unimaginable pain, but what are the odds? Seriously. What are the odds of two separate vacations in the same family going so terribly wrong?

When Good Vacations Go Dreadfully Wrong

So...you may see a bit of a theme on this blog at times. I tend to gravitate toward stories of vacation misadventures as a rule. Whether I'm writing the story (yes, I'm a writer!) or someone else is, it's that theme I seek out again and again. This could have to do with a very bad vacation in the Caribbean that changed my life forever over three years ago. Or maybe I just like watching other people go through the worst possible vacations from the safety of my own armchair. (Sidenote: I don't actually have an armchair. I sit in bed or on the couch most of the time while on the computer.)

So today I'm going to discuss a movie (based on a book by Scott Smith) that goes along with this theme, just to warm us up.

The Ruins



From IMDB: A group of friends whose leisurely Mexican holiday takes a turn for the worse when they, along with a fellow tourist embark on a remote archaeological dig in the jungle, where something evil lives among the ruins.

This movie does not disappoint in that it follows a very common horror movie trope. When Americans (and sometimes British or Australian, sometimes European, sometimes a mixed batch) travel outside their resort comfort zone and dreadful things happen. These movies tend to uphold an age old cautionary tale. Don't leave your borders, don't travel too far outside the box, never be too comfortable with your privilege. In this movie, two American couples and a German (My memory is a little hazy because i in the book a guy from Greece also joins them) leave their very comfortable Cancun resort to help the German man look for his missing brother. They end up imprisoned on some Mayan ruins. And then things really go downhill. I won't reveal any more, aside from it makes Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors look like a fluffy kitten in comparison.


Vacation gone wrong factor: * * * * * (can't have a suckier vacation than being eaten by an evil plant)

Did I care about the characters factor: * * (not really, they were spoiled and annoying most of the time)

Verdict: * * * (Book was way better (and darker)).