Chernobyl Diaries - when Extreme tourism goes wrong....

Chernobyl Diaries

IMDb says: Six tourists hire an extreme tour guide who takes them to the abandoned city Pripyat, the former home to the workers of the Chernobyl nuclear reactor. During their exploration, they soon discover they are not alone.


I saw this movie in the theater and I had a lot of fun with it. I went in with absolutely zero expectations, since well, the title says it all. I knew ahead of time that the characters would likely be whiny American tourists for whom I would have little sympathy making dumb mistakes. In truth, the best part about this movie is the build up and character development. Okay, maybe not stellar, but for a horror movie, pretty awesome. I actually liked the main female character and actually connected quite a bit with her.


Things go dreadfully wrong when the shady tour guide's van doesn't start just as sun is beginning to set on this creepy, abandoned city.  The atmosphere is everything in this movie and it is indeed CREEPY. I had goosebumps. I was even saying to myself, "This has to be one of the scariest movies I've seen!"  Because I had gotten to know the characters, I was right there with them, feeling more and more trapped and freaked out as the sun went down. And there ARE things that go bump in the night. Major radioactive bump.


However, the movie ultimately disappoints.  The last third of it made very little sense, there were bizarre plot holes (like why, why, why was one of the girls able to get away one or two times when all other victims were ripped apart or taken away right away? Hint: Probably because she was blond and pretty and helpless.).  


The ending was horrible and dumb and well, rather laughable.  It ruined the whole movie for me.


Oh, there was a random bear at one point. Random bear was random. I just had to throw that out there, especially for Saturday Sequins and Mr. Sequins. 


Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: ***** Starting with random bear and ending with, well, ending, nobody gets out alive. Extreme tourism? Extreme ways to meet your maker, I'd say.
Did I care about the characters factor: **** Yes, for the most part. At least the main character. I so wanted her to live.
Verdict: ***  Yeah, those writers should be sent on an Extreme Tour of sitting on their butts in front of the computer to come up with an ending that doesn't suck. 

Timber Falls - yay, another Vacation Gone Wrong movie!

This one was. . .interesting, but definitely a vacation gone dreadfully wrong...

Timber Falls



IMDB says: A weekend of camping in the mountains becomes an excursion into hell for a young couple, who become pawns in a grotesque plot hatched by deranged locals.

In a horror movie, whenever a young couple are being all lovey-dovey and all excited to go into the wilderness on a hike together, it's just a matter of time before someone gets eaten by a bear or accosted by deranged locals who believe that you should be married before fornicating on their sacred lands.

Much like the vacation-gone-wrong scenarios that take place in exotic third-world countries, this is a home-grown version of the same kind of xenophobia. This takes place in exotic Appalachia where of course everyone is backwards and creepy. Yep, perfectly normal to kidnap a couple and force them to procreate for them and make them get married ahead of time so that the baby will be not born in sin.

That being said, this was actually a good horror flick that surpassed expectations. The SyFy channel had given it one star, which is pretty funny from a company that produces movies like Sharktopus on a regular basis. Now to be fair, there WERE things that were completely over-the-top horror movie tropes and ridiculous. There were times when I really didn't get why certain characters were doing certain things. However, the premise was actually very clever and terrifying. The acting was not too bad either, and I really did wonder up until the end how in the world the couple was going to get out of that situation (sign of a good story).

Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * * There was torture, there was over-the-top lunacy, there were fetuses in random jars, there was the creepy not-quite-right-in-the-head brother of the main antagonist with the distorted face and animalistic sex drive. The only reason I'm not giving four stars is that the main characters did escape in the end.

Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * * Somewhat. They seemed a little annoying and bland and self-centered, but they seemed to pull it together when the going got tough.

Verdict: * * I'm being far more generous than Sy Fy channel rating, but hey, it was okay entertainment. Do I want to watch it again? No, probably not.

Turistas Go Home

While I know I still need to do Part 2 of my writing history, my brain seems to be too fried to do so, and I will not really be home much the next few evenings. So I figure, a good vacation gone wrong movie review? Can't go wrong with that, right? ;D

And this one's a classic!

Turistas



IMBD says: A group of young backpackers' vacation turns sour when a bus accident leaves them marooned in a remote Brazilian rural area that holds an ominous secret.

I should point out that I watched this movie about 3 1/2 years ago very soon after I had first come back to the States after my own "vacation gone wrong" story, so I think this movie had a different effect on me than it might now or might have before. I was still high in PTSD mode, and yet I was seeking these kinds of stories out like crazy. Also, I was watching it while running on a treadmill in my parents' basement so the sound quality was not the best for me and I had to turn subtitles on. Which amused me to no end when it would say something like, "Babbling in Portuguese."

That being said, it was not the best of the genre, not the worst. The character development and ominous feeling at the beginning was pretty well done. Once we knew what was really going on and the terror really kicked in, it was actually kind of "eh whatever." Especially when the whole thing was REALLY about hot young people in bikinis/without shirts most of the movie. And yes, there is illegal organ transplanting going on. Also, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that I'm pretty sure it wasn't the best portrayal of Brazilians, full of stereotypes and all galore (which is pretty typical in this genre, as I have pointed out a few times before).

Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * * (Getting my organs stolen does not a restful vacation make)

Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * * (I don't remember very well now, but I don't remember feeling disgusted by them so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt)

Verdict: * * * (When expectations are low and emotions are heightened and it's the only thing distracting you from an hour-long run on a treadmill, the flick did not disappoint)

oooh, it's been awhile since I did a vacation gone wrong movie...

Well, I watched this awhile ago, but I think it's worth including, considering it's been a very long time since I did one of these reviews!

And Soon the Darkness



IMDB says: Stephanie and Ellie's vacation to an exotic village in Argentina is a perfect 'girl's getaway' to bask in the sun, shop and flirt with the handsome locals. After a long night of bar-hopping, the girls get into an argument, and Stephanie heads out alone in the morning to cool off. But when she returns, Ellie has disappeared. Finding signs of a struggle, Stephanie fears the worst, and turns to the police for help. But the local authorities have their hands full already - with a string of unsolved kidnappings targeting young female tourists. With danger mounting, and time running out, Stephanie must find her friend before darkness falls.

Let's just say that the beautiful scenery was the only redeeming thing about this movie. Well, I guess the plot was fun. Not terribly realistic or well executed, but fun. It's the kind of plot I love to see if it's well done, but in this case, no. Basically the problem is that the tourists involved are so stupid and make so many silly mistakes that the plot just sort of writes itself. Getting drunk in a pub full of unfamiliar people and strange men and deliberately trying to tantalize them? Check. Separating from their main bike tour in the middle of nowhere and telling nobody where they are? Check. Having a dumb fight and leaving your best friend in the middle of nowhere in a strange country? Check.

And of course stereotypes about the exotic danger of South America are in abundance.

Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * * (kidnapping sucks, even if the kidnappers were as dumb as the tourists)

Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * (they were stupid)

Verdict: * * (eh, okay entertainment if you're seriously bored, but not recommended)

The Lion Sleeps Tonight -- NOT

I really can't resist this one! I figure i might be a bit busy this week with various things, like partying for my birthday (hey, I turn 41 on Wednesday, hear me roar loader than the lions in the movie I'm about to discuss) and work stuff and actually writing (yes, I've been doing that this weekend).

Prey




IMDB says: While working in a dam in Africa, the American hydraulic engineer Tom Newman brings his family to spend a couple of days in the Leopard's Rest Lodge. His fourteen year-old daughter Jessica is having friction with her stepmother Amy since she does not accept the divorce of her parents. On the next morning, Amy, Jessica and her brother David go in a game drive with a ranger while Tom goes to the dam. While driving off-road, David asks the ranger to stop the jeep to go to the "toilet", and unexpectedly they are attacked by a group of starving lions that kill and eat the ranger. Amy, Jessica and David are trapped in the jeep and stalked by the wild lions. When Tom returns to the hotel and finds that his family has not returned from the game, he asks for help to the experienced hunter and guide Crawford and together they seek Tom's family.

There is something just so primal about Man verses Nature. Or shall we say spoiled American teenagers verses hungry lions. I watched this movie a couple years ago, curled up with my cat. My cat and I were both rooting for the lions. There really isn't much else to say about this movie, quite honestly. Especially amusing is the scene when they are barricaded in the car and some people have already been eaten and scavenged by hyenas right in front of them and the stepmother is worried that the kids will tattle to her new husband that she smokes. Um, lady, I think that's the very least of your worries, mayhaps? Of course her lighter is what saves the day in the end, alas. For them. Poor lions.

Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * (the family was far scarier than the lions)

Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * (I'd be so mean if I put no stars, wouldln't I? Is this a pity star? I do believe it is...)

Verdict: * * (The lions were pretty cool)

Stranded

I'm in a bad mood this evening, so it's time to watch some fictitious people suffer. (*my own characters are ALL sighing a big sigh of relief that I'm too tired to write this evening*) So here's a movie for your delight!

Stranded



IMBD says: Bride-to-be Carina decides to do take her four friends to an exotic Caribbean island for a hen party to remember. After arriving at the luxurious resort the women take a boat ride to isolated island where they can bask in sun and sand - and it's there that the nightmare begins. The captain of the boat forgets to pick the girls up, leaving them stranded, forcing them to use a deserted house as a makeshift shelter. Then, one by one, the girls start to vanish. With Carina's big day the last thing on the girls minds they start to wonder whether they will see out the night...

Wow. This movie started with so much potential. What could be more ripe for vacation disaster than a group of carefree women at a bacholerette party partying it up in in some non-descript, unnamed island in the Caribbean? I mean, I LOVED the movie Bridesmaids. This was going to be JUST LIKE THAT only in the Caribbean and without comedy, right? Sadly, I must crush your hopes. But still. Things were just BOUND to go dreadfully wrong when the ladies decided to hire a shady dude with a creaky, tiny boat to take them to some nearby island for a private day trip. When the dude doesn't pick them up as scheduled at the end of the day, things start to go wrong. The ladies start disappearing one by one. Now this would be fine and good. Hurray! Serial killer on the island! Except...THEN the movie, just as things might be getting good and right toward the end, starts trying to do too much. It puts in all these bizarre twists and turns. I won't give away everything in case you're dying to see this, but let's just say that ex-boyfriends, Mafia connections, an island adventure package that everyone but the bride was in on, etc. , were all driving forces in the last er...(maybe?) fifteen minutes of this movie.

Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * * (eh, sucks to be the ladies that were kidnapped and knocked off)

Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * (one star ONLY for the friend that was originally not going to come but then showed up only to find her friends missing. . . oh, and for the hot random detective guy who showed up during the last 30 minutes. He was worth it.)

Verdict:: * * This movie COULD have gone places, but tropes and silliness and bad acting and a bad script did so prevent that.

A vacation gone wrong movie for your pleasure

Since I don't have a lot of time or energy this morning, how about a movie...

Black Water



IMDB says, While on vacation on Northern Australia, Gracie, her husband Adam and her younger sister Lee decide to take the Blackwater Barry tour in the swamp for fishing. Their guide Jim uses a small motor boat and takes the tourist along the river to a remote spot. When they stop, they are attacked by a huge crocodile that capsizes their boat and immediately kills Jim. The three survivors climb a tree and when they realize that help would never come to rescue them, they decide to try to find a way out of their sheltered location. However, in the muddy water, their boat is flipped and the crocodile stalks the trio under the water.

This is an independent Australian movie and the vacation was in the characters' own backyard, so it doesn't have quite the same "exotic vacation trope" as going to a Third World country on vacation might, but it was still awesome. So much joy and fun at the beginning. So much downhill to come. One awesome thing is that they actually used a real saltwater croc for many of the scenes. No special effects. I also really dig movies in which the characters are stuck in some place from which it would be so easy to escape but the thing of horror prevents that. (One of Stephen King's scariest short stories (to me) followed this theme with a group of friends swimming out to a raft-dock in the middle of a lake and then encountering some freakish oil-spill-looking creature who ate anyone who dared get in the water, thus trapping them on this raft-dock thing). In this case, the croc is determined and patient.

Vacation gone wrong factor:* * * * (hey, not everyone died, so it's four stars only this time)

Did I care about the characters factor: * * * * (I liked these people. Was not rooting for the crocodile. There was some whining, of course, but dude, I would be too if I was stuck in some mangroves with a giant croc stalking me)

Verdict: * * * * * (this was a great surprise. I expected it to suck and it totally didn't)

When Good Vacations Go Dreadfully Wrong

So...you may see a bit of a theme on this blog at times. I tend to gravitate toward stories of vacation misadventures as a rule. Whether I'm writing the story (yes, I'm a writer!) or someone else is, it's that theme I seek out again and again. This could have to do with a very bad vacation in the Caribbean that changed my life forever over three years ago. Or maybe I just like watching other people go through the worst possible vacations from the safety of my own armchair. (Sidenote: I don't actually have an armchair. I sit in bed or on the couch most of the time while on the computer.)

So today I'm going to discuss a movie (based on a book by Scott Smith) that goes along with this theme, just to warm us up.

The Ruins



From IMDB: A group of friends whose leisurely Mexican holiday takes a turn for the worse when they, along with a fellow tourist embark on a remote archaeological dig in the jungle, where something evil lives among the ruins.

This movie does not disappoint in that it follows a very common horror movie trope. When Americans (and sometimes British or Australian, sometimes European, sometimes a mixed batch) travel outside their resort comfort zone and dreadful things happen. These movies tend to uphold an age old cautionary tale. Don't leave your borders, don't travel too far outside the box, never be too comfortable with your privilege. In this movie, two American couples and a German (My memory is a little hazy because i in the book a guy from Greece also joins them) leave their very comfortable Cancun resort to help the German man look for his missing brother. They end up imprisoned on some Mayan ruins. And then things really go downhill. I won't reveal any more, aside from it makes Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors look like a fluffy kitten in comparison.


Vacation gone wrong factor: * * * * * (can't have a suckier vacation than being eaten by an evil plant)

Did I care about the characters factor: * * (not really, they were spoiled and annoying most of the time)

Verdict: * * * (Book was way better (and darker)).