I did it!!
Yep, I ran my first half-marathon! My time was 2:34:26. Not bad for a firstie!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Again, it's been awhile! :)
I can't seem to get the hang of blogging. I've had a lot of Serious Stuff on my mind lately and thus haven't really been in the mood for blogging and pretending to be all happy and upbeat. Heh. I know a lot of you people write blogs that have a "theme" or better, a purpose. Like Saturday Sequins has her beading stuff, and Health Amateur focuses on health. I need a bloggie purpose. Except that I tend to have MANY interests and can't just pick one. Will it be running? Will it be writing? Will it be any number of obsessions I have? Will it be healthy eating? Will it be international recipes? And if I do any of those, do I still get to write ominous Vacation-gone-wrong posts and movie reviews? :D I kind of like the whole self-improvement thing, like from the perspective of deep breathing, morning writing pages, running, healthy eating, etc. Will think on this some more!
On another subject...
This is the 100th Anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. If you don't know me by now, let me just say that I am Titanic history obsessed, and so this has been my WEEKEND. The television stations are filled with programs about the Titanic, that famous, big film from 1997 with Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet has come back in the theater (in 3D, which is kind of annoying, I'm not a 3D person at all), and there are all kinds of cool things. My Titanic obsession got me through a bad period of time in the fall of 2008, so it just has all this emotional stuff surrounding it for me.
Random Titanic Fact: Cats were considered good luck on ships AND they helped control the rodent population. There were no cats on the Titanic. I forgot where I read that, I think on some trivia website about the Titanic. :)
Another random fact: The binoculars that were supposed to be in the crow's nest to help them look out for icebergs were lost.
On another subject...
This is the 100th Anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. If you don't know me by now, let me just say that I am Titanic history obsessed, and so this has been my WEEKEND. The television stations are filled with programs about the Titanic, that famous, big film from 1997 with Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet has come back in the theater (in 3D, which is kind of annoying, I'm not a 3D person at all), and there are all kinds of cool things. My Titanic obsession got me through a bad period of time in the fall of 2008, so it just has all this emotional stuff surrounding it for me.
Random Titanic Fact: Cats were considered good luck on ships AND they helped control the rodent population. There were no cats on the Titanic. I forgot where I read that, I think on some trivia website about the Titanic. :)
Another random fact: The binoculars that were supposed to be in the crow's nest to help them look out for icebergs were lost.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Oh, dear, it's been awhile!
Yikes, it's been awhile.
So meanwhile, vacation ended and I had to go back to work and already a week and a weekend has passed since being back!
I feel a bit unraveling at the seams -- overwhelmed by tons of things right now.
So also during the break, I visited Thailand. Not literally, alas, but through cooking. I found a really excellent pad Thai recipe on the jar of a pad thai sauce jar, and I just added a bit to it. I will go into more detail later perhaps. I am too lazy to hunt down the jar of pad thai sauce and write down the recipe at the moment. Let's just say it was divine and just as good as restaurant pad thai! I have also visited the Philippines via a recipe from my good friend Katie (she has lived there before). That also came out very yummy, but I forgot to take a picture of it. No, really, I WILL make a post that involves travel food again with pictures and recipes and everything, but this evening is not that day.
Healthamateur asked about fasting in a comment. To tell you the truth, I haven't done fasting much since coming back from vacation. It's hard because there's a big social element to our lunch hour at school. Everyone gets together and if anyone does anything weird (like not eating) there is instant attention on you and questions. So I haven't done it, as I get weary of talking about whatever I'm doing on any given day. I would rather not be the center of attention. I will probably go back to experimenting with fasting more in the summer or possibly on occasional Saturdays. Anyway, the question was about hypoglycemia. As far as I know, I have a tendency toward hypoglycemia. As a result, I have trouble if I eat anything high carb for breakfast (like bread or fruit or cereal). Here's what I think. I think that if you are having normal hunger pangs while fasting and just feeling mildly light-headed and uncomfortable, that that's normal. If you have such bad dizziness and shakiness that you can't function? Then probably fasting isn't for you. Also someone else mentioned (can't remember who right now) migraines, and since Healthamateur tends toward migraines, it might be a risk not worth taking because migraines suck.
Writing. Yeah. How's that going for everyone? For me, it's going ok. Not great, not horrible. The writing itself is great. It's me actually sitting down and doing it that's the problem. Once again, I will need to back off from the internet for a bit to allow more time.
Oh. And as for running? I signed up for the half marathon. Am I insane????
So meanwhile, vacation ended and I had to go back to work and already a week and a weekend has passed since being back!
I feel a bit unraveling at the seams -- overwhelmed by tons of things right now.
So also during the break, I visited Thailand. Not literally, alas, but through cooking. I found a really excellent pad Thai recipe on the jar of a pad thai sauce jar, and I just added a bit to it. I will go into more detail later perhaps. I am too lazy to hunt down the jar of pad thai sauce and write down the recipe at the moment. Let's just say it was divine and just as good as restaurant pad thai! I have also visited the Philippines via a recipe from my good friend Katie (she has lived there before). That also came out very yummy, but I forgot to take a picture of it. No, really, I WILL make a post that involves travel food again with pictures and recipes and everything, but this evening is not that day.
Healthamateur asked about fasting in a comment. To tell you the truth, I haven't done fasting much since coming back from vacation. It's hard because there's a big social element to our lunch hour at school. Everyone gets together and if anyone does anything weird (like not eating) there is instant attention on you and questions. So I haven't done it, as I get weary of talking about whatever I'm doing on any given day. I would rather not be the center of attention. I will probably go back to experimenting with fasting more in the summer or possibly on occasional Saturdays. Anyway, the question was about hypoglycemia. As far as I know, I have a tendency toward hypoglycemia. As a result, I have trouble if I eat anything high carb for breakfast (like bread or fruit or cereal). Here's what I think. I think that if you are having normal hunger pangs while fasting and just feeling mildly light-headed and uncomfortable, that that's normal. If you have such bad dizziness and shakiness that you can't function? Then probably fasting isn't for you. Also someone else mentioned (can't remember who right now) migraines, and since Healthamateur tends toward migraines, it might be a risk not worth taking because migraines suck.
Writing. Yeah. How's that going for everyone? For me, it's going ok. Not great, not horrible. The writing itself is great. It's me actually sitting down and doing it that's the problem. Once again, I will need to back off from the internet for a bit to allow more time.
Oh. And as for running? I signed up for the half marathon. Am I insane????
Monday, March 19, 2012
Cooking around the world -- Myanmar (Burma)
So one of the things I thought I would do during my break is to pick a few random countries and cook a dish from them. This is not as formal as the blog that I think Pink Audrey talked about where someone cooked around the world on a regular basis. This is just sort of random and obviously I can't do this super regularly because of time factors.
So yesterday I made a dry shrimp curry from Myanmar (Burma).
I used this recipe:
Dry Shrimp Curry
I did add a few things. I added about a half can of straw mushrooms and a handful of bean sprouts, just to have some veggies in there. Also, when it said to blend the onion, garlic, and ginger, I knew my blender wouldn't be having any of that without some liquid, so I added a bit of chicken broth to the blender. I only had brown rice to serve it on, and as healthy as brown rice is, I don't really like it that much and it takes forever to cook. Eh. But whatever.
Here was the result:
It was not fantastic and I probably would tweak a few things (less broth, maybe add some coconut milk even though it's supposed to be a dry curry). But it was pretty good. I enjoyed eating it. It is all I have in memory since today is a fasting day for me, haha.
So yesterday I made a dry shrimp curry from Myanmar (Burma).
I used this recipe:
Dry Shrimp Curry
I did add a few things. I added about a half can of straw mushrooms and a handful of bean sprouts, just to have some veggies in there. Also, when it said to blend the onion, garlic, and ginger, I knew my blender wouldn't be having any of that without some liquid, so I added a bit of chicken broth to the blender. I only had brown rice to serve it on, and as healthy as brown rice is, I don't really like it that much and it takes forever to cook. Eh. But whatever.
Here was the result:
It was not fantastic and I probably would tweak a few things (less broth, maybe add some coconut milk even though it's supposed to be a dry curry). But it was pretty good. I enjoyed eating it. It is all I have in memory since today is a fasting day for me, haha.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Happy to be home
The last week has been awfully busy for me, so I just haven't been in these here blog parts. I was at a conference for a few days and am SO happy to be home with my kitty and in my own private house with no crowds of people all around me constantly.
I am on the eve of my spring break right now, which makes me blissfully happy, but we all know that will pass WAY too quickly.
So I've taken to doing a few 36-hour fasts a week. I have heard that this is good for you, as far as getting rid of crap in your system and helping with digestion and even doing stuff with mental clarity. That latter thing? I need it desperately. Well, the first 36-hour fast I did was last Monday. I knew I had a wildly busy day that day, so it was a good day to start. I go through it with minimal pain. I mean, there were difficult times when I was thinking longingly of food during my usual meal times or when I smelled food. I did get very hungry a few times. I did go through a spacey time when I felt overly tired and out of it. But these things passed quickly.
Mostly any negatives I feel about it have to do with feeling uncomfortable about dealing with other people who don't get it, who think it's unhealthy or pointless to fast. Of course these are often very conventional people who think I'm a bit weird anyway, haha, so who cares, right? I've tried to choose fasting days based on times when I know I am unlikely or do not have any social plans that involve food so that it will not affect my social life at all.
The pros:
1. there are random times of absolute euphoria that you get while fasting
2. nice empty feeling in stomach, no bloating
3. feeling of accomplishment, like I have discipline
4. frees up more time (think of all the time you spend preparing, cooking, eating, cleaning for meals)
5. lots of research out there about calorie restriction and better health (like less asthma) in mice/rats
6. weight loss (I would really like to get back down to my ideal weight - it's tough to be short AND over 40 AND on hormone medication! You have to watch it like a hawk and I refuse to use my age as an excuse to let myself go)
The cons:
1. hunger on fasting days can be pretty intense sometimes and distracting
2. Stomach growling during inappropriate times
3. A few slump periods in energy
4. awkward for potential spontaneous social situations
5. I don't like dealing with naysayers
6. People think I'm weird enough, here I am doing yet another outside-the-box thing
I am on the eve of my spring break right now, which makes me blissfully happy, but we all know that will pass WAY too quickly.
So I've taken to doing a few 36-hour fasts a week. I have heard that this is good for you, as far as getting rid of crap in your system and helping with digestion and even doing stuff with mental clarity. That latter thing? I need it desperately. Well, the first 36-hour fast I did was last Monday. I knew I had a wildly busy day that day, so it was a good day to start. I go through it with minimal pain. I mean, there were difficult times when I was thinking longingly of food during my usual meal times or when I smelled food. I did get very hungry a few times. I did go through a spacey time when I felt overly tired and out of it. But these things passed quickly.
Mostly any negatives I feel about it have to do with feeling uncomfortable about dealing with other people who don't get it, who think it's unhealthy or pointless to fast. Of course these are often very conventional people who think I'm a bit weird anyway, haha, so who cares, right? I've tried to choose fasting days based on times when I know I am unlikely or do not have any social plans that involve food so that it will not affect my social life at all.
The pros:
1. there are random times of absolute euphoria that you get while fasting
2. nice empty feeling in stomach, no bloating
3. feeling of accomplishment, like I have discipline
4. frees up more time (think of all the time you spend preparing, cooking, eating, cleaning for meals)
5. lots of research out there about calorie restriction and better health (like less asthma) in mice/rats
6. weight loss (I would really like to get back down to my ideal weight - it's tough to be short AND over 40 AND on hormone medication! You have to watch it like a hawk and I refuse to use my age as an excuse to let myself go)
The cons:
1. hunger on fasting days can be pretty intense sometimes and distracting
2. Stomach growling during inappropriate times
3. A few slump periods in energy
4. awkward for potential spontaneous social situations
5. I don't like dealing with naysayers
6. People think I'm weird enough, here I am doing yet another outside-the-box thing
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Speaking of vacations gone wrong...
With spring break coming up, I have to admit that I was craving an all-inclusive beach-bum sort of vacation again. You know, the kind where EVERYTHING is taken care of for you, and all you have to do is lie on the beach or go snorkeling.
Upon doing some research, I found this interesting site on traveling to Mexico.
Mexico Vacation Awareness
It's not your usual travel warnings...but the stories listed on this site are pretty horrifying in general and would make me think twice about traveling there, even to the resort town of Cancun (although I have been there before with no incident, but isn't that the case anywhere? Statistics don't matter when you're the victim). It's not so much about the fact that crime and accidents happen there. Those things happen everywhere in the world (muggings, rapes, robberies, accidents, drownings). It's just that in certain places, visitors are sometimes particularly targeted for crime OR when an accident or crime happens and/or you need medical help, the people you rely on to help you (police, EMTs, hospitals) are corrupt or incompetent. This can be especially true on resorts or places where tourism is heavily relied on because the authorities will want to push whatever happens under the rug as to not hurt their bottom line.
(Author's Note: Naturally, this is not a problem exclusive to Mexico. And I should point out that this is in no way a slam on average Mexican citizens, whom I have found to be lovely and warm. There are gems, turds, and everything in between in every culture, country, and place around the world.)
As for my spring break, it looks like I'm having a Staycation. I have some plans, such as possibly cooking around the world, doing a writing boot camp, catching up on some books and movies. The week will pass too fast, but you know what? Summer is coming. I am very lucky to have a very low-paying job where the one benefit is having 2 1/2 months off in the summer! My goal for this summer is to try not to get roped into much as far as professional development either. I'd rather just do that during the school year. Am I not going to a literacy conference this coming week? Why, yes I am! Professional development = CHECK.
Upon doing some research, I found this interesting site on traveling to Mexico.
Mexico Vacation Awareness
It's not your usual travel warnings...but the stories listed on this site are pretty horrifying in general and would make me think twice about traveling there, even to the resort town of Cancun (although I have been there before with no incident, but isn't that the case anywhere? Statistics don't matter when you're the victim). It's not so much about the fact that crime and accidents happen there. Those things happen everywhere in the world (muggings, rapes, robberies, accidents, drownings). It's just that in certain places, visitors are sometimes particularly targeted for crime OR when an accident or crime happens and/or you need medical help, the people you rely on to help you (police, EMTs, hospitals) are corrupt or incompetent. This can be especially true on resorts or places where tourism is heavily relied on because the authorities will want to push whatever happens under the rug as to not hurt their bottom line.
(Author's Note: Naturally, this is not a problem exclusive to Mexico. And I should point out that this is in no way a slam on average Mexican citizens, whom I have found to be lovely and warm. There are gems, turds, and everything in between in every culture, country, and place around the world.)
As for my spring break, it looks like I'm having a Staycation. I have some plans, such as possibly cooking around the world, doing a writing boot camp, catching up on some books and movies. The week will pass too fast, but you know what? Summer is coming. I am very lucky to have a very low-paying job where the one benefit is having 2 1/2 months off in the summer! My goal for this summer is to try not to get roped into much as far as professional development either. I'd rather just do that during the school year. Am I not going to a literacy conference this coming week? Why, yes I am! Professional development = CHECK.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Timber Falls - yay, another Vacation Gone Wrong movie!
This one was. . .interesting, but definitely a vacation gone dreadfully wrong...
Timber Falls
IMDB says: A weekend of camping in the mountains becomes an excursion into hell for a young couple, who become pawns in a grotesque plot hatched by deranged locals.
In a horror movie, whenever a young couple are being all lovey-dovey and all excited to go into the wilderness on a hike together, it's just a matter of time before someone gets eaten by a bear or accosted by deranged locals who believe that you should be married before fornicating on their sacred lands.
Much like the vacation-gone-wrong scenarios that take place in exotic third-world countries, this is a home-grown version of the same kind of xenophobia. This takes place in exotic Appalachia where of course everyone is backwards and creepy. Yep, perfectly normal to kidnap a couple and force them to procreate for them and make them get married ahead of time so that the baby will be not born in sin.
That being said, this was actually a good horror flick that surpassed expectations. The SyFy channel had given it one star, which is pretty funny from a company that produces movies like Sharktopus on a regular basis. Now to be fair, there WERE things that were completely over-the-top horror movie tropes and ridiculous. There were times when I really didn't get why certain characters were doing certain things. However, the premise was actually very clever and terrifying. The acting was not too bad either, and I really did wonder up until the end how in the world the couple was going to get out of that situation (sign of a good story).
Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * * There was torture, there was over-the-top lunacy, there were fetuses in random jars, there was the creepy not-quite-right-in-the-head brother of the main antagonist with the distorted face and animalistic sex drive. The only reason I'm not giving four stars is that the main characters did escape in the end.
Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * * Somewhat. They seemed a little annoying and bland and self-centered, but they seemed to pull it together when the going got tough.
Verdict: * * I'm being far more generous than Sy Fy channel rating, but hey, it was okay entertainment. Do I want to watch it again? No, probably not.
Timber Falls
IMDB says: A weekend of camping in the mountains becomes an excursion into hell for a young couple, who become pawns in a grotesque plot hatched by deranged locals.
In a horror movie, whenever a young couple are being all lovey-dovey and all excited to go into the wilderness on a hike together, it's just a matter of time before someone gets eaten by a bear or accosted by deranged locals who believe that you should be married before fornicating on their sacred lands.
Much like the vacation-gone-wrong scenarios that take place in exotic third-world countries, this is a home-grown version of the same kind of xenophobia. This takes place in exotic Appalachia where of course everyone is backwards and creepy. Yep, perfectly normal to kidnap a couple and force them to procreate for them and make them get married ahead of time so that the baby will be not born in sin.
That being said, this was actually a good horror flick that surpassed expectations. The SyFy channel had given it one star, which is pretty funny from a company that produces movies like Sharktopus on a regular basis. Now to be fair, there WERE things that were completely over-the-top horror movie tropes and ridiculous. There were times when I really didn't get why certain characters were doing certain things. However, the premise was actually very clever and terrifying. The acting was not too bad either, and I really did wonder up until the end how in the world the couple was going to get out of that situation (sign of a good story).
Vacation Gone Wrong Factor: * * * There was torture, there was over-the-top lunacy, there were fetuses in random jars, there was the creepy not-quite-right-in-the-head brother of the main antagonist with the distorted face and animalistic sex drive. The only reason I'm not giving four stars is that the main characters did escape in the end.
Did I Care About the Characters Factor: * * Somewhat. They seemed a little annoying and bland and self-centered, but they seemed to pull it together when the going got tough.
Verdict: * * I'm being far more generous than Sy Fy channel rating, but hey, it was okay entertainment. Do I want to watch it again? No, probably not.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Mmm...lazy sunday!
Oops it's been awhile, hasn't it?
Work has been over-the-top stressful and it seems I can only focus on so many things at the same time. I've become a library book junkie, though. I just love checking out a bunch of non-fiction books about various topics (seriously, non-fiction because there's so little commitment required...if it's not my style or not interesting, I have no trouble just skimming a bit and giving up. With fiction I feel more an obligation to read every word). I love reading about nutrition and survival stories and self-help ideas and even stuff that does not apply to me AT ALL, like dating advice. I love to read stuff like that for ideas for my characters and just for amusement (and gratitude that I'm not IN the dating world, haha). Writing books, too, although they start to annoy me after awhile, most of the time. I check out anything that just catches my fancy at that moment.
A great book that I've just finished is called The Survivor's Club. I read that book absolutely riveted. It's about people who have survived amazing things, and some of the science behind it. What makes some people do the right thing in a crisis, and what makes others flail or freeze. Really fascinating writing and well written.
Well, it's Sunday morning and the coffee is good, the cat is purring, and there's still a full day spread ahead. *raises mug*
Work has been over-the-top stressful and it seems I can only focus on so many things at the same time. I've become a library book junkie, though. I just love checking out a bunch of non-fiction books about various topics (seriously, non-fiction because there's so little commitment required...if it's not my style or not interesting, I have no trouble just skimming a bit and giving up. With fiction I feel more an obligation to read every word). I love reading about nutrition and survival stories and self-help ideas and even stuff that does not apply to me AT ALL, like dating advice. I love to read stuff like that for ideas for my characters and just for amusement (and gratitude that I'm not IN the dating world, haha). Writing books, too, although they start to annoy me after awhile, most of the time. I check out anything that just catches my fancy at that moment.
A great book that I've just finished is called The Survivor's Club. I read that book absolutely riveted. It's about people who have survived amazing things, and some of the science behind it. What makes some people do the right thing in a crisis, and what makes others flail or freeze. Really fascinating writing and well written.
Well, it's Sunday morning and the coffee is good, the cat is purring, and there's still a full day spread ahead. *raises mug*
Monday, February 20, 2012
Day off!
Yay, so today is President's Day and I have an extra day off, which is exactly what I need! In fact, after I write this post, I'm going to banish myself from the internet for the day and write all day! Yes, I can do this. I got seriously into it for a few hours yesterday and the only reason I stopped was because I was going to bring some dinner over to my dad! Otherwise, I might have gone into "forget to eat" mode (which, believe me, does not happen that often).
As for my whining in the last post, as usual, Write Group represents with awesome advice and support. It's so true. I tend to expect perfection whenever I'm trying to change my life. I get frustrated when my inner toddler takes over and kicks everything and whines and wants to eat cupcakes all day. And if you got to try any of Pink Audrey's oreo cupcakes, then you would understand why I would want to eat cupcakes all day.
One of my non-sugary/non-floury concoctions I'm working on perfecting is sugar-free, flour-free pancakes. I got this recipe somewhere and adjusted the ingredients to my taste, but here it is:
1/4 cup almond flour (expensive stuff, but if you're only using 1/4 cup on weekends, it will last a long time!)
1/2 cup coconut milk
2 eggs
pinch of baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla
Pour onto griddle or whatever you use to make pancakes greased with butter or olive oil or coconut oil.
Top with fruit or eat savory!
If you're the kind of person who MUST have sweet pancakes, then I imagine you could add sugar or honey to it or even mashed bananas to keep it naturally sweet (I might try that today as an experiment). And add syrup if sugar isn't a problem for you! :)
I actually really love my new way of eating and honestly? The only stress about it is feeling very limited when dealing with social situations or going out to restaurants where there are so many hidden ingredients in things. (Who knew that KFC put MSG all over their green beans, for example??? Why? Why? Green beans are awesome by themselves. Not that I ever eat at KFC, but since I brought some over for my dad yesterday, I was looking at the nutritional information)
Also, I find that a square of very dark-dark chocolate (like over 70% dark) really helps with sweet cravings!
Now, as for my writing, I want to end this beautiful day off knowing that I am on a super sonic roll. So wish me luck!
As for my whining in the last post, as usual, Write Group represents with awesome advice and support. It's so true. I tend to expect perfection whenever I'm trying to change my life. I get frustrated when my inner toddler takes over and kicks everything and whines and wants to eat cupcakes all day. And if you got to try any of Pink Audrey's oreo cupcakes, then you would understand why I would want to eat cupcakes all day.
One of my non-sugary/non-floury concoctions I'm working on perfecting is sugar-free, flour-free pancakes. I got this recipe somewhere and adjusted the ingredients to my taste, but here it is:
1/4 cup almond flour (expensive stuff, but if you're only using 1/4 cup on weekends, it will last a long time!)
1/2 cup coconut milk
2 eggs
pinch of baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla
Pour onto griddle or whatever you use to make pancakes greased with butter or olive oil or coconut oil.
Top with fruit or eat savory!
If you're the kind of person who MUST have sweet pancakes, then I imagine you could add sugar or honey to it or even mashed bananas to keep it naturally sweet (I might try that today as an experiment). And add syrup if sugar isn't a problem for you! :)
I actually really love my new way of eating and honestly? The only stress about it is feeling very limited when dealing with social situations or going out to restaurants where there are so many hidden ingredients in things. (Who knew that KFC put MSG all over their green beans, for example??? Why? Why? Green beans are awesome by themselves. Not that I ever eat at KFC, but since I brought some over for my dad yesterday, I was looking at the nutritional information)
Also, I find that a square of very dark-dark chocolate (like over 70% dark) really helps with sweet cravings!
Now, as for my writing, I want to end this beautiful day off knowing that I am on a super sonic roll. So wish me luck!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Whiny McWhiny pants
As always, I'm a very sad work in progress.
I say I'm going to do one thing and I get all determinedy and I'm actually very good at sounding full of conviction so that other people actually believe I'm going to succeed and follow through. Then I go and do the exact opposite. I break. I fizzle out. I rebel. Then I feel bad for awhile, but I quickly forgive myself and promise to do better. This has been a pattern for as long as I can remember and it must stop.
Let's just say that both my eating plan and my writing plan failed utterly this past weekend. I am SO scattered right now. I keep making excuses for myself and promising to do better the next day. Meanwhile I have success on no fronts. I'm even being a bit anti-social with my friends in order to banish myself from distractions so I can accomplish these things that I am not doing -- how insane is that?? Also, the main problem is that no matter what I claim I am determined to do, I keep changing my mind. Inconsistency has always been a huge weakness, but this is getting ridiculous and far worse than it used to be. First I'm going to eat in a particular way, then two days later I get bored so I switch to eating a different way. My body gets confused. I lose a few pounds, I gain a few pounds, I get in great running shape, I stop running and get out of shape. Or I'm going to write on this project, but no, this other project is better, more exciting. But no, I should go back to whatever I was doing before. And by the way, I should start over, from the beginning because it's been so long. Ugh, if there was only some way to force my brain to do whatever it takes to get to where I want to go.
I want the satisfaction of bringing a project to completion. Admitting it is the first step, yes?
I say I'm going to do one thing and I get all determinedy and I'm actually very good at sounding full of conviction so that other people actually believe I'm going to succeed and follow through. Then I go and do the exact opposite. I break. I fizzle out. I rebel. Then I feel bad for awhile, but I quickly forgive myself and promise to do better. This has been a pattern for as long as I can remember and it must stop.
Let's just say that both my eating plan and my writing plan failed utterly this past weekend. I am SO scattered right now. I keep making excuses for myself and promising to do better the next day. Meanwhile I have success on no fronts. I'm even being a bit anti-social with my friends in order to banish myself from distractions so I can accomplish these things that I am not doing -- how insane is that?? Also, the main problem is that no matter what I claim I am determined to do, I keep changing my mind. Inconsistency has always been a huge weakness, but this is getting ridiculous and far worse than it used to be. First I'm going to eat in a particular way, then two days later I get bored so I switch to eating a different way. My body gets confused. I lose a few pounds, I gain a few pounds, I get in great running shape, I stop running and get out of shape. Or I'm going to write on this project, but no, this other project is better, more exciting. But no, I should go back to whatever I was doing before. And by the way, I should start over, from the beginning because it's been so long. Ugh, if there was only some way to force my brain to do whatever it takes to get to where I want to go.
I want the satisfaction of bringing a project to completion. Admitting it is the first step, yes?
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