Whiny McWhiny pants

As always, I'm a very sad work in progress.

I say I'm going to do one thing and I get all determinedy and I'm actually very good at sounding full of conviction so that other people actually believe I'm going to succeed and follow through. Then I go and do the exact opposite. I break. I fizzle out. I rebel. Then I feel bad for awhile, but I quickly forgive myself and promise to do better. This has been a pattern for as long as I can remember and it must stop.

Let's just say that both my eating plan and my writing plan failed utterly this past weekend. I am SO scattered right now. I keep making excuses for myself and promising to do better the next day. Meanwhile I have success on no fronts. I'm even being a bit anti-social with my friends in order to banish myself from distractions so I can accomplish these things that I am not doing -- how insane is that?? Also, the main problem is that no matter what I claim I am determined to do, I keep changing my mind. Inconsistency has always been a huge weakness, but this is getting ridiculous and far worse than it used to be. First I'm going to eat in a particular way, then two days later I get bored so I switch to eating a different way. My body gets confused. I lose a few pounds, I gain a few pounds, I get in great running shape, I stop running and get out of shape. Or I'm going to write on this project, but no, this other project is better, more exciting. But no, I should go back to whatever I was doing before. And by the way, I should start over, from the beginning because it's been so long. Ugh, if there was only some way to force my brain to do whatever it takes to get to where I want to go.

I want the satisfaction of bringing a project to completion. Admitting it is the first step, yes?